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    14 Absurd Lies People Try To Tell You About Motherhood

    I call bullshit.

    1. "Your life is over."

    Little Mix

    Your life is not over. Your career is not over. You didn't die – you had a baby. Your life will be different, but you can still have dreams, goals, and that occasional crazy girl's night out.

    2. "Your vagina will be ruined forever."


    First of all, since when was your vagina anyone's business? Second of all, the vagina is a muscle that shrinks back. Third of all, they can piss off.

    3. "You can kiss your sex life goodbye."


    Um? Things change a little, but no.

    4. "You have to be perfect."


    Bullshit. When you find out what perfect is, let me know.

    5. "You're not allowed to be sexy anymore."

    20th Century Fox

    One of the biggest lies in all of parenthood. Just because you're a mom doesn't mean you have to look like a paper bag for the rest of your life.

    6. "You have to breastfeed."


    Yes or no, it's completely up to you to make the best decision for you and your baby.

    7. "Your baby's room needs to have a theme."


    Puh-leeze. Having a theme is cute – don't get me wrong – but you're not "failing" as a mom if the baby blanket doesn't match the walls.

    8. "You can't cuss."


    Listen. You can cuss whenever the hell you feel like it – when your kid is sleeping, when your kid is in the other room – trust me, there's lots of opportunities to cuss.

    9. "Your friends without kids will be annoyed by you."


    Your true friends will be so excited for this next chapter of your life!

    10. "You will never sleep again."


    Yes, you will sleep less, but you will sleep...maybe.

    11. "You have to get back to the size you were before you had a baby."

    20th Century Fox

    Look, you spent NINE F&^%ING months housing another human being. To say your body will be the exact same afterwards is ridiculous. You are strong AF and look damn good no matter what size you are.

    12. "You have to dress like a mom."


    Where is there a rule book that says you have to look presentable at all times? What does a mom dress like? Anyway she wants.

    13. "You won't talk about anything else besides your baby."


    You are allowed to have other interests outside your kid. Promise.

    14. "Your kid will be exactly like you!"

    It’s a nice thought – well, maybe, actually probably not – so be happy because the reality is: not likely!

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