1. All friends must watch the videos you send them and listen to the songs you recommend.
The fact that your face popped into my head while I was ugly-crying over Sufjan Stevens is a sign of love from me to you, and I deserve a response of some sort.
2. All friends must invite you to stuff.
We aren't friends if we don't do things together. Period. This also applies to those people who are always conveniently busy whenever you try to include them in your plans.
3. All friends must never one-up your problems.
You know that thing when I'm talking to you about something that's bothering me, and your response is to hit back with your problems instead of supporting me? That's why this isn't working.
4. All friends must speak to you nicely.
Comments that are mean, condescending, or spiteful have no place in a healthy adult friendship. Discuss any issues with the utmost respect and for God's sake, learn how to joke around without destroying my self-esteem.
5. All friends must support your love life.
This means giving the new beau a fair shot as well as helping you meet people when you're playing the field. However, don't forget that a good friend will encourage you to respect yourself and won't tolerate anyone mistreating you.
6. All friends must forgive your honest mistakes.
Breaking news: humans screw up sometimes. Real friends will recognize that it's unfair to hold each other to unrealistic standards of perfection and know how to accept an apology, fix the problem, and move on.
7. All friends must text and call you back.
I know, I know. People are busy sometimes, and that's totally understandable. But friends who consistently ignore your texts and are nowhere to be found when you call are unreliable and inconsiderate. Nobody should have to put up with that.
8. All friends must make you feel good about your appearance.
Someone who loves you won't police your diet or make fun of your style. They'll be your cheerleader when you make positive lifestyle changes, and they'll catch you and build you up when you stumble. Bonus points for those compliments that make you feel like a rock star.
9. All friends must respect your alone time.
Taking time to be by yourself is healthy and totally necessary for maintaining your sanity. Toss any friends who make you feel bad for not wanting to go out or demand your availability 24/7.
10. All friends must be proud of you.
You're an amazing human, and you should surround yourself with people who see the best in you even when you don't see it in yourself. Find friends who brag about you to their parents, genuinely care about how you're doing, and get pumped when you achieve your goals.
It is law.
