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How It Feels To Be Beaten To A Story By The BuzzFeed Staff

Nothing but respect and anguish to see here, folks.

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Hello, fellow BuzzFeeders.

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What's happenin', brothers and sisters?

...and greetings, quick-minded and fast-fingered staff.

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We need to talk about a thing that sucks rather significantly: the BuzzFeed staff writing about stuff that you were JUST GOING TO WRITE ABOUT OH MY GOD.

Stop being so fast, please.

Okay, so you see that video of Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell in Africa being a couple of super-cute goofballs.

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"Aw, that's so fabulous and impeccably coordinated," you say.

Your roommate, a very cool human, suggests that you write a BuzzFeed post about it.

A splendid idea!

Better search and make sure the staff hasn't done it yet!

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Because plagiarizing is both wrong AND uncool.

You're all good!

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Time to do your journalistic duty and report on the adorable happenings of celebrities.

But alas, it's like, a million o'clock and you're too exhausted to do it justice.

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You'd need to be funny, make the necessary GIFs, and ~engage your readers~, and that's just not going to happen until you get some sleep.

"In the morning!" you say.

Morning arrives and you're like:

You check BuzzFeed one more time because you're on top of your shit.

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Pulling up the site, and...

Aw, balls.

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Okay, Keely. I see you.

Okay, Keely. I see you.

You're offended, naturally, and a little bit crushed.

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But you try not to show it.

You confide in your roommate again because it's your darkest hour.

You just weren't strong enough. You have much to learn. You accept this, slowly but surely.

You just weren't strong enough. You have much to learn. You accept this, slowly but surely.

Then you decide that this tragedy warrants a BuzzFeed post of its own.

People care about my problems, especially if I put them in list form.

You feel a little bit better.

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A little.

And you realize that's why the staff gets paid.

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Next time, BuzzFeed. Next time.

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