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20 Reasons To Trust No One

This is why Tumblr should be your only friend.

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1. Because they'll bury you in a sand dick.

2. Because this is how you'll be mourned when you die.

3. Because they'll literally force you to sleep with one eye open.

4. Because they're just straight up monsters.

5. Because they use the tools you give them against you.

6. Because everyone intrinsically hates you.

7. Because revenge is an exact and literal science.

8. Because to get french fries you first have to slay a demon.

9. Because even your mom is out to make a fool of you.

10. No seriously don't trust moms.

11. Because some dreams will never come true.

12. Because everyone has a unique hidden talent THAT SHOULD REMAIN HIDDEN.

13. Because privacy is a bygone era.

14. Because this is the only way to keep your valuables safe.

15. Because people will literally lure you to your death.

16. Because people are not discerning about nipples even when they should be.

17. Because twerking is the greatest trick society has ever played.

18. Because teens.

19. Because nothing will actually make you lose 10 pounds in two days.

20. Because this is what is waiting for you if you leave your house.

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