23 Literal Gospels From The Mouth Of The Actual Angel Castiel


1. Always consult a female.

2. Take advantage of dummies who underestimate you.


3. Announce yourself before smiting.


5. Never get a tattoo in a language you can’t actually read.


8. Always layer, you never know what temperature the apocalypse is going to be.


10. Angel blades are multipurpose.


11. Go big or be exiled forever.


12. The answer is always in front of you.


13. Unless it’s really really not.

14. Ask the difficult questions.


16. Babies aren’t holier than thou, just noisier.


17. Always carry the essentials in case of emergencies.


18. There’s always time for an angelic fart joke.


19. There’s nothing more satisfying than telling someone to fuck off with politeness.


20. Err actually, make that there’s nothing more satisfying than telling someone to fuck off.

21. Talking to yourself is cathartic.


22. Payphones are the best resource for planning a war.


23. And remember, you control your universe.


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