1. You're exhausted before you even leave the house.
2. You show up when the dance floor is still empty.
3. You actually arrive sober.
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4. You look at people and worry about how they're going to get home.
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5. You don't ALWAYS order the cheapest beer.
6. You don’t drink too much because you "have to be able to function at work tomorrow."
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7. You start to wonder if the music has always been this loud.
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8. You no longer hope strangers will offer to buy you drinks.
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9. You notice all the weird shit the drunk people around you are doing.
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10. You don't bother getting dressed up anymore.
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11. You spend most of your time talking about how stressful work is...
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12. ... Or about current events.
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13. You're completely disinterested in going home with anyone.
14. While everyone else is chugging beers, you're ordering appetizers.
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15. When you get carded on the outside you're like:
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16. But on the inside you're like:
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17. The idea of taking a shot totally disgusts you.
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18. Instead of drunk texting you catch up on emails.
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19. And you always leave before last call.
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Do you, grandma. Do you.
