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73 Thoughts I Had While Watching Episode 5, Season 5 Of "Game Of Thrones"

Watching Game of Thrones is like dating someone who just continuously breaks your heart. SPOILERS AHEAD.

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1. Well, this episode is called, "Kill the Boy" so I'm already afraid.

2. There's a lot of Daario on this "previously on" and I'm here for it.

3. Still not over Grey Worm and Sir Barristen.

4. Watching Game of Thrones is really like dating someone who just continuously breaks your heart but you can't end it with.

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5. Great, we're opening with Missandei sobbing.

6. Wait. Is Grey Worm alive?!

7. Andddd I'm already crying.

8. "I'm so sorry, my Queen. He was a good man." This dude's fighting saying "I told you so" really bad.

9. At least Daario is in this scene to distract me from the sadness.

10. I'm a little confused by Dany's game plan... bring them into your dragon chamber and watch them shit their pants?

11. Girl, don't pretend you didn't almost get eaten in there a couple weeks ago.

12. Daario just looked at Dany like, "Damn girl. You're a stone cold B and I like it."

13. Maester Aemon is the only maester I think I've liked through the whole series.

14. "Half the men hate you already, Lord Commander. Do it." LOL.

15. "Kill the boy and let the man be born." Hey episode title.

16. I would not wanna fuck with Tormund.

17. And I would not have the balls to unchain him. Bro has straight-up crazy eyes.

18. "Less enemies for us!" ... "Fewer." —Stannis Baratheon, one true king of grammar

19. When Jon Snow said only half the Night's Watch would hate him that was a severe understatement.

20. "Winter is coming." Winter has literally been coming for five seasons. Can it get here?

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21. Podrick walks with some serious swag.

22. HA at Brienne longingly looking out her window at Winterfell.

23. Girl is so thirsty to protect someone.

24. And should Brienne really be trusting this dude with the weird ski hat?

25. "I'm going to marry her; that will involve looking at her from time to time." LOL at Ramsey's sass.

26. Also, how many issues does this girl have that she's into Ramsey?

27. OK but real talk, Ramsey doesn't look half bad naked.

28. Ramsey's like, "I luh it when you almost bit my lip off, babe."

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29. I've said this before, but Sansa is serious such a goth queen and I love it.

30. Sansa's chamber maid is the cutest.

32. If I were Sansa I'd be like, "K lighting that 'help me' candle right now."

33. Aw. She's returning to where Bran fell/caught Jamie and Cersei doing it.

34. "I like your dress." Myranda is doing some classic passive-aggressive jealous shit right now.

35. Sansa isn't even trying to break her resting bitch face for this girl.

36. Let's NOT follow this girl into the dark hallway with barking feral dogs, Sansa.

37. OMG, hi Theon/Reek. How do you sleep with those dogs barking?

38. "You smell particularly ripe this evening." Yeah, can we give Reek a bath, please? I can smell him from my screen.

39. Bolton's wife looks like the cutest, most naive person in all seven kingdoms.

40. This is the season of resting bitch face for Sansa.

41. Well, this has to be the most awkward dinner.

42. God, just when you think Sansa's life can't suck any more, it does.

43. Oh shit Ramsey, you about to lose what little power you had.

44. "How did you...find it?" OK Ramsey, see yourself out.

45. Well isn't this a wonderful How I Met Your Mother story from Roose Bolton.

46. Sam is so socially awkward toward Stannis; it makes me hate him less.

47. OK, but you can't just walk into a room and say, "It's time," and expect people to know what you're talking about.

48. If something happens to Shireen I'm going to be so pissed.

49. Melisandre just gave Jon Snow a look that said, "I'm gonna fuck you someday."

50. Jon Snow doesn't know Sansa is alive, right?

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51. Yessssss Grey Worm and Missandei.

52. If ever there were a sign to take life by the horns and get together, THIS IS IT, YOU TWO!

53. "I fear I never again seen Missandei..." K crying again.

54. Side note: Missandei has some great eyebrows.

55. YESSSS FINALLY. I just turned into a real-life heart-eye emoji watching them kiss.

56. Um. No, Dany. You are not going to marry this dude whose name I can't even remember.

57. "Thankfully a suitor is already on his knees." She is pretty badass, though.

58. But also, Daario.

59. Sir Jorah and Tyrion look like they're sailing at approximately 1 mph in that boat.

60. "I am...a person who drinks" = the Game of Thrones way of saying alcoholic.

61. Yeah, I wouldn't be trying to sail into that foggy sea of rocks.

62. I can't decide if Tyrion would be the worst road trip companion, or the best.

63. OK, I guess we're going to have a little poetry slam on the boat.

64. Oh shit, hey Drogon.

65. OMG these stone men are the stuff of nightmares.

66. GODDAMMIT CUT HIM FREE, JORAH.

67. How could they be sure if they touched them? Weren't they a little preoccupied?

69. Ah, I knew one of them had to get it.

70. Jorah and Sansa might be tied for worst luck/life right now.

71. Meanwhile, is Loras still in jail?

72. Is Jaime about to battle the Sand Snakes?

73. Is Cersei still a bitch? (JK, I know that answer.)

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