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21 Times Amy Schumer Perfectly Described Being A Woman

I have to be honest. I don't enjoy a dick pic.

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1. On dating someone new:

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2. On having a glass of wine at the end of the day:

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Glass of wine/bowl of wine, same thing.

3. On the important things in life:

First runner-up aka first loser.

4. On eating in public:

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No. I do not want to "split something."

5. On the art of sexting:

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That sounds good.

6. And on taking the perfect picture:

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Nailed it.

7. On what having a pet really entails:

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"You are a burden."

8. On spending a night in:

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Nothing wrong with flying solo on Friday night.

9. On setting goals:

"Aspiring Dog Walker"
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"Aspiring Dog Walker"

10. On being sexually open:

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So what if she wants the D?

11. On working out:

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I worked out for five minutes, so I think I'll call it a day.

12. On getting old:

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#blessed

13. On what really happens when men and women have sex:

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14. On getting revenge:

"I hope that the next time you go to a concert that the band doesn't play the song you wanna hear."

15. Seriously though... could you wish anything worse on someone?

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"I hope the next time you watch an episode of Homeland the DVR cuts out before you see scenes from next week."

16. On dick pics:

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17. On the truth about the fascination with butts:

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Milk, milk, lemonade, 'round the corner fudge is made.

18. On religion:

I mean... if you could just help me out, that would be great.

19. And on being an extroverted person:

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"People usually need a couple drinks just to get through a conversation with me."

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