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An Open Letter To Anyone Who Starts Group Texts

You're going to hell.

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So you like to start group texts.

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That's great. Technology is cool.

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What a great way to stay in touch with all of your friends, right?

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Why would you EVER do this to people you care about?

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Don't you know you're literally taking people hostage?

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You might think it's fun when you talk to one person in the group text about something that's only applicable to the two of you!

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TAKE IT OUTSIDE, PEOPLE.

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Or maybe you're the worst kind of person and you create group texts with people WHO DON'T EVEN KNOW EACH OTHER.

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What kind of psychotic game are you playing?!

You are literally ruining lives (and by "lives" I mean phone battery lives).

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Every minuscule detail of everyone's day finds its way into that group text.

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PEOPLE DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, EMILY. WE CAN'T CATCH UP.

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When someone can't make it out Friday, don't drunk-text updates to the group.

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I can't help find anyone in the bathroom if I'm home watching Netflix, OK???

We should only use our group text in times of need — like when you find Joey Fatone on OkCupid.

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Or to keep each other humble.

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No one wants to wake up to this horror.

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But there IS a light at the end of the tunnel.*

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*If you have an iPhone. If not, sorry, you're fucked.

In conclusion, please don't do this.

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