20 Things You Probably Didn't Know About Surrogacy

It's an unfamiliar path to parenthood for most, but the experience can be just as beautiful as a natural pregnancy.

1. By "surrogacy" most people are referring to a "gestational carrier."

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The word surrogacy is often used when referring to a gestational carrier arrangement, where the carrier is implanted with an embryo created with eggs and sperm from the intended parents (or from a donor), not the eggs of the surrogate.

2. You will likely spend more money than you planned to spend.

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The process can cost about $25,000 when working with a private surrogate such as a friend or family member, and up to $100,000 or more when working through an agency. These numbers do not include unexpected expenses.

3. An attorney with surrogacy experience is worth every penny.

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The legal ins and outs of surrogacy are complicated. A good attorney can simplify the entire process and give you peace of mind.

4. Surrogacy is not understood by the masses.

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Most people are unfamiliar with surrogacy. Be prepared for looks of confusion when you share that you're expecting a baby carried by someone else.

5. You will be judged.

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It's common for people to think badly of things they don't understand. With surrogacy still a mystery to so many, some individuals still think negatively about this pregnancy plan.

6. Psychological evaluations are required for all involved.

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It is the therapist's job to make sure everyone is prepared for the unique journey that lies ahead. No stone will be left unturned; you will talk about everything!

7. The relationship with your surrogate is extremely unique and special.

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Nothing prepares you for a relationship quite like this one. You will probably text and call her more than anyone you know and you will have her on speed-dial. Late-night texts are the norm. You'll want to know how she's feeling at all times without overdoing it and stressing her out.

8. Learn to trust and let go.

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When your surrogate is not in your presence, it's hard to keep tabs of what she does, what she eats and drinks, how much she sleeps, etc. Trust and communication about everyone's expectations can help ease your mind.

9. Visibility of your surrogate’s privates is not uncommon.

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Don't fret: There's nothing romantic or sexual about the process, but if you think you'll have a problem with your partner being in this situation, plan ahead.

10. Put your big girl panties on.

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The surrogacy process is not for the faint of heart. It comes with a lot of ups and downs, so brace yourself for a bumpy ride.

11. Your stress level will be higher than if you were actually carrying the baby yourself.

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You'll be concerned about the health of your surrogate as well as the health of the baby, and keeping tabs on your own health in preparation for parenting your new child.

12. People may offer empathy with their congratulations.

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When you share that you're expecting a baby via surrogate, don't be surprised if you get looks of empathy (or confusion) along with their congratulations. When you and your family are expecting a baby, it's truly joyous news regardless of how.

13. Have clear expectations with your surrogate about who you plan to invite to the birth.

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It's common to allow the surrogate's significant other to be present during the birth. Also, make sure she's aware and comfortable with the people you'll have there.

14. You’ll need to repeat your story to the hospital crew when you check in.

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Although the nurses will be informed of your surrogacy and who's who once you check into the hospital for the delivery, you will come across people assigned to you who are unclear of what's happening. Have patience, explain, repeat.

15. It's OK to give your surrogate a moment with the baby after birth.

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There's nothing to worry about when it comes to letting your surrogate hold the baby after birth. Take a picture of them together as well — you'll appreciate preserving the beautiful moments of the arrival of your child.

16. It's absolutely OK to let your surrogate nurse your baby at the hospital if needed — there won't be an "attachment" issue.

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If your feeding plan includes your surrogate pumping, allowing the baby to nurse while at the hospital will assist with her milk flow. Do not stress about the baby getting "attached" to the surrogate.

17. No post-baby body. You’ll get dirty looks.

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Be prepared to get dirty looks from women when you are out with your newborn and showing no signs of recovery from pregnancy or delivery. This rings especially true when you walk out of the hospital with your baby. This can be entertaining.

18. Not carrying means you’re rested before the birth, but shockingly unprepared for sleepless nights after birth.

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19. Sharing your story will inspire others.

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Surrogacy is not often talked about, but there are plenty of couples and solo-starters out there who are currently facing infertility. Sharing your story freely can give hope to and inspire others.

20. Your surrogate will become your family's angel.

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When you hold your baby for the first time, it'll be hard to express just how much gratitude you have for the woman who carried your child. The feeling of joy will overtake you, and you will be forever grateful.

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Andrew Richard