1. We blow ourselves to smithereens and rediscover good jazz.
So, hey, good news for Jelly Roll Morton fans! Bad news for people who don't like lots and lots of radiation.
2. Everyone wears rad trench coats and sunglasses and sulks. Like, a lot.
Further proof that fashion is cyclical: Everyone in 2057 looks just like you and your friends did after The Matrix came out.
3. Megacorporations purchase and colonize planets and then things get worse.
One day you're skipping an ad on YouTube, the next you're living on the volcanic planes of Planet Pepsi with the native Mountain Dewsyites.
4. Human beings human-being themselves into extinction, and animals reclaim the planet.
On the bright side, President Pomeranian did wonderful things for the national economy.
5. Zombies. Because obviously.
So many zombies, you guys.
6. We put computers in our limbs, and everyone turns into walking Swiss Army knives.
Ever wanted a corkscrew in your pinky finger? Good news: THE FUTURE IS GOING TO BE AWESOME FOR YOU.
7. The robots turn on us, and we probably deserve it.
To be fair, after decades of smartphone swiping with greasy french-fry fingers and shameless selfies, we kinda had it coming.
8. Giant bugs attack. It does not go well.
Oh-ho-ho, and you thought you were terrified of bed bugs now — just wait until day one of the Antpocalypse.
9. We meet exciting new alien races and create excitingly inefficient new political systems.
10. Mutant talking animals and veggies wipe out humanity by way of dope hip-hop beats.
Wait, PaRappa the Rapper doesn't take place in a devastating dystopic future in which rapping dogs are the new Master Race? Oh, uh, moving along...
11. We all just say "screw it" and move to Mars.
Because the grass is always greener. Er, redder? Whatever, Earth is so over anyway.
12. Everyone and their mom gets a giant robot of their very own.