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9 True Scientific Facts About Haters

Haterade is -60 calories. A truthy comic

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The Eiffel Tower and Golden Gate Bridge were built entirely from the bones of haters.

A group of haters is called a murder of haters. A half dozen haters is called a graduate choir of haters.

42% of Americans believe that haters are the greatest threat to national security.

Haterade has -60 calories. Haterade is the official sponsor of the Sochi Olympics.

Every full moon, Willow Smith morphs into a huntress of haters . She is the most decorated hater-hunter in the United States.

Peel open the spinal carapace on a hater's back, and you'll find a middle school yearbook signed with "Have A Great Summer!"

Haters have the best manicures. The easiest way to make a hater go away is to tell them that they are both loved and correct.

Sometimes haters say incredibly valuable things. Wipe away the hater-slime from the hater-jewels. Buy chewing gum with them. Buy flowers for your family.

Death is the ultimate hater.

Originally featured on Blunderbuss Magazine.