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    Updated on Nov 8, 2018. Posted on Aug 17, 2018

    26 Of The Funniest Tweets By Women This Week

    "Ideologically I don’t agree with organized religion but they kind of went off with stained glass."

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    at the gym i said subscription instead of membership and the girl replied with 'lol this isnt a pharmacy'. bitch thats a prescription were both stupid

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    My badass little cousin ordered $300 worth of toys w/o my aunt & uncle knowing. This is a picture of how everyone found out. https://t.co/wHWVhsMBYI

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    Imagine the disappointment of moving to a sleepy, idyllic New England town to start a new life, only to discover it doesn't harbor any dark secrets.

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    If my boyfriend 💏and my horse 🐴 were both drowning 🙀💦and I could only save one ☝️🏊‍♂️they’d both be safe 👌because they’re both 👯‍♀️the same horse 😍💖🤠🏇

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    Someone said they should put this on ESPN for 30mins. I would deadass watch this lol (Taken from FB: Eric Branch @ Lowell Elementary School) https://t.co/HEn93vvVFA

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    | ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ | | please | | stop killing | | mountains | | to make | |mountain dew| | ________| (\__/) || (•ㅅ•) || /   づ

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    superheroes being 178% done with everyone and everything with wii music playing in the background

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    Ideologically I don’t agree with organized religion but they kind of went off with stained glass

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    Dang who radicalized McDonald’s

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    It's weird that ppl interpret the moral of The Pied Piper story as "Don't trust strangers" when really it's "Always pay freelancers"

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    bro my coworker starts crying bc her boyfriend broke up w her (thru text) & my manager gon say “that’s why we stay off our phones @ work” LMFAAAAOOOO shordy ain’t shit 😭

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    WHAT ARE WE? SAD! WHAT’RE WE GONNA DO? BUY THINGS! WILL IT HELP? TEMPORARILY !

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    My mom turned my Masters degree into a blanket. “yOuR dEgReE wOnt KeEp yOu wArM aT NiGhT tHoUgH.” NOW it will, you lil bitch. https://t.co/FQxADLQgpq

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    met a bunch of guys from Harvard yesterday and I kept pretending like I never heard of that school just to piss them off...one of them legit turned red when I said, “Harvard? Is that like a local community college?” LMAOOOOOO

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    Me: goodnight moon Moon: read 8:24 PM ✅

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    modern friendship is just sending the same $20 back and forth via venmo, forever

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    YOUNG MAN you're a man who is young I said YOUNG MAN you're a man who's not old I said YOUNG MAN don't know the words to this song I said YOUNG MAN YOUNG MAN YOUNG MAN

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    “PSL is so basic white girl” Ok Connor how is that 3rd Monster you’ve gulped today you basic ass bitch

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    best time of my life was when I was single, not dating at all, and celibate as fuck. I was stress free, not being lied to or half assed, only worried about myself & nobody else. No man could check me, keep tabs on me. I didn’t even miss dick or male presence.

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    when u get out of the shower on ur period & it’s a race between you, time, and gravity

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