Whether you're a certified nerd or just looking for something *humerus*, we rounded up the funniest science jokes, with the help of Reddit, Twitter and Tumblr. So what are you waiting for? Make like gravity and scroll down!
1. "Velociraptor = distraptor/timeraptor."
2. "What kind of bear dissolves in water? A polar bear."
3. "For a good time, call 602-1023. Ask for Avogadro."
4. "The Higgs boson walks into a church. The priest says, 'We don't allow Higgs bosons in here.' The Higgs boson says, 'But without me you can't have mass!'"
5. "What did Gregor Mendel say when he founded genetics? Woopea!"
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7. "A photon checks into a hotel. 'Do you need help with your luggage?' the clerk asks. 'No thanks, I’m traveling light.'"
8. "Pavlov was sitting in a bar one evening after work. All of a sudden the phone rings. Pavlov jumps up and exclaims 'Crap! I forgot to feed the dog!'"
9. "What do you call root beer in a square glass? Beer."
10. "100 kilopascals go into a bar..."
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12. "Companies should have more gametes in commercials because sex cells."
13. "Two scientists walk into a bar. Neither were drinkers so the first scientist says to the bartender, 'I'll have an H2O please.' The second scientist says, 'I'll have an H2O too, please.' He died."
14. "Do I know any good jokes about sodium? Na."
15. "My name is bond, ionic bond. Taken, not shared."
16.
17. "Don't believe anything atoms say; they make up everything!"
18. "Heard oxygen and magnesium were going out. I was like 'OMg!'"
19. "Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex? Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position."
20. "What did the scientist say when he found two helium atoms? 'HeHe.'"
21. "What does the sub-atomic duck say? Quark!"
23. "Why do chemists like nitrates so much? Because they're cheaper than day rates."
24. "Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?"
25. "What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? One molar solution."
26. "Are you made of Copper and Tellurium? Because you are CuTe."
27.
28. "A star walks in to a black hole and doesn't seemed phased. The black hole then turns to the star and says, 'Sir, I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation.'"
29. "How did silver get gold's attention? AY YOU!"
30. "There are 10 kinds of people: those who know about binary numbers, those who don't, and those who can use base 3."
31. "Know any good chemistry jokes? Na BrO."
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34. "Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t."
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36. "Did you hear about the guy that reached absolute zero? He's 0K now."
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me: *kicks a stone* mountain: my baby
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I'll just leave this here. #FlatEarth
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44. "A neutron walks into a bar and asked, "How much for a beer?" The bartender goes, 'For you? No charge.'"
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coldplay: look at the stars neil degrasse tyson: ok coldplay: look how they shine for you neil degrasse tyson: actually stars do not shine f
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"um, Dr Schrodinger? I opened the box and, well... we may have a problem"
49. "Helium walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve noble gases in here." Helium doesn't react."
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58. "Why do programmers always mix up Christmas and Halloween? Because OCT31=DEC25."
59.
Sorry man I only have room in my heart for one thing: lots and lots of blood
60.
I'm sorry if I've noted this before, but this bird description is still so harsh.
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73.
Who calls their cat Toxoplasma gondii
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science defines a baby as "a small smooth poopy man, no taller than a lamp"
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hey girl are u a metamorphic amphibole cause you're gonna be
77.
78. "I'm reading a book on anti gravity. I'm finding it difficult to put down."
79. "The neutron asks the bartender, a proton, if he's sure about that. The bartender replies 'I'm positive.'"
80.
81. "What do we do with a dead chemist? Barium."
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85. "What do you call a benzene ring with iron in place of carbon?A ferrous wheel."
This article contains content from Kelly Oakes and Hattie Soykan. It was compiled by Kelly Rissman.