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21 Weird Side Effects Of Being A Scientist

Consult with a doctor if you experience any of the following. They won't be able to help you, but they probably feel the same way.

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1. Your speech may become incoherent to non-scientists.

These pentaquarks bring physicists to the yard and they're like we get a gold star damn right Pc(4450)+ and Pc(4380)+ both got five quarks

2. And your writing unintelligible.

Daughter (11) reviewed my grant lay summary. Obviously I failed...


3. Things that the rest of the world would ignore will become vitally important to you.

4. You'll learn when to question things and when to just go with it.

"Nothing like the smell of sizzling bacon in the cardiology wing's cafe." o_O

5. Free lunch will become a sacred right.

Actual email subjects this AM. 1) Pizza lunch CANCELLED TODAY 2) ERRATA: Pizza lunch ON for today 3) PIZZA LUNCH REINSTATED #savepizzalunch

6. You may have trouble concentrating on other things.

"how's your day going?" "space" "oh so like-" "-space."

7. Or become unable to participate in society without pointing out its flaws.

Happy leap second day! Humanity's attempts to create absolute systems of measurement are futile! Reality is skewed and uncontainable!!


8. You may be tempted to experiment on your loved ones and pets.

I was amazed that cats see this optical illusion too: RT@MarryHelly:

9. And those experiments won't always go the way you expected.

"um, Dr Schrodinger? I opened the box and, well... we may have a problem"

10. Not even fruit will be safe from your scientific gaze.

Proof by Clementine: the surface area of a sphere is 4 pi r^2 (trace around widest part of clementine 4 times)

11. But at least you can use your powers to figure out how to bake the perfect cookie.

More baking powder looks like my ideal cookie. RT @skiingAli: Always wondered! RT @ACSReactions: #chemistry

12. Sometimes you'll find you can say everything you need to with just a few words.

The shortest (and perhaps best) paper abstract of all time.


13. Sometimes you'll chicken out of saying what you mean at the last moment.

14. You may find your units of measurement are different from the average person's.

Just realized: your fingernails grow at the same speed at which continents drift. Imagine traveling across the Earth at a nail's pace. Wow.

15. A bad day at work will mean something different to you than it does for most people.

Accidentally glued myself to a crocodile while attaching a radio transmitter. #fieldworkfail

16. Your tolerance for pseudoscientific rubbish will decrease.

Ways to increase the "vibrational energy" of your food: * Shake it * Put it in the oven or microwave * Set it on fire

17. Your puns will become more niche as time goes on.

18. Some days you will set your sights high.

today is the day i read a l l the e m a i l s

19. Other days you will have to set smaller targets.

Let's do a science today! (naps count as science)

20. At some point you'll realise that your life goals may need to be adjusted slightly.

I don't aspire to home ownership. I do aspire to Dualit 4 slice toaster ownership.

21. And even if you reach the top of your game, it will feel like people still don't understand you.

What it's like to carry a Nobel Prize through airport security

Kelly Oakes is science editor for BuzzFeed and is based in London.

Contact Kelly Oakes at

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