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19 Biology Tweets That Will Make You Laugh And Then Think

"Thanks, you've been a wonderful host!" – Viruses

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1.

[grocery produce aisle] ME: Hi, are these genetically modified carrots? CLERK: No, why do you ask? CARROT: Yeah, why do you ask?

2.

Shaking hands is so weird: "Nice to meet you, have some germs and dead skin cells."

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4.

I wanted to major in marine biology but those guys get pretty upset when you follow them into the latrine with a tape measure.

5.

"Let's see what you're made of!" he says on approach, knife in hand. "Good." I mutter. "Another adversary who paid no attention in Biology."

6.

Just an FYI: If you removed all veins, arteries, & capillaries from your body and laid them end to end, you will die.

7.

I have deer like reflexes... "Don't you mean cat like?" [Hears a twig snapping in a nearby Bush] *just fucking bolts with incredible grace*

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8.

Biologist screws up: Mutant killer virus Physicist screws up: Deadly black hole Geologist screws up: Rock on table is now rock on floor

9.

*Applies for job *Gets job *Says, 'well, it's like a sort of bee house' *Knocks off early

10.

Motion to rename biological clock "restless egg syndrome."

11.

look, men and women are BIOLOGICALLY different. ever since the cave man times boys have loved cars and girls have loved toy ovens

12.

[Scientist describing evolution of the zebra] "We believe they were crime horses that stayed in jail for like a really, really long time."

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13.

I don't really have a "blood type." I think all bloods can surprise you if you just give them a chance.

14.

[Pizza falls on the ground] Hold HOLD! -Germ boss telling his minions not to jump on the pizza until it's been a full five seconds.

15.

Don't look at phone in bed it messes up circadian rhythms. Make sure you lie in the dark thinking about everything you've ever done wrong.

16.

"Thanks, you've been a wonderful host!" - Viruses

17.

ME: Billions of bacteria live on and inside my body INTERVIEWER: I meant tell me about yourself job-wise

18.

Why do birds Suddenly appear Every time you are near? Most likely It is simply perception bias. Aaaaah ah ah ah ah ah ah aah Perception bias

19.

You guys seriously haven't lived until you're capable of metabolism, growth, reproduction, and adaptation to your environment

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