People Are Sharing What Made Them Decide To Ghost, And Wow, There Really Are Two Sides To Every Story
"I still think about it and wish I could apologize."
We recently asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us what made them decide to ghost* someone. Here are some of the most interesting responses:
*As a refresher, "ghosting" typically refers to when someone abruptly cuts off all contact and stops responding to any communication from the person (usually a romantic partner).
Note: Some of the following contain mentions of abuse.
"I'm not really proud of it, but I ghosted a guy I went out with once. He kept on talking about marriage and he even brought me home to meet his parents on the FIRST DATE."
"I ghosted my boyfriend of three years. We were on and off — we broke up numerous times and he became emotionally abusive. No matter how hard I tried to make him happy, he would constantly invalidate my feelings, make me feel like I was crazy for being upset over things, and isolate me from my friends. I tolerated it because I loved him and thought, if I was putting so much effort into the relationship, there was no point in throwing it away. This past year, I finally took off my rose-colored glasses and started viewing it for what it was: a completely toxic relationship that was truly breaking me down. Once I finally decided I was leaving, he spammed me with messages begging me to stay, saying that I was ruining his life. I tried to give him closure, but it became too much, so I ghosted."
"I didn’t have the heart to tell her, but this girl was so clingy. She wanted me to meet her family after two dates and wanted to hang out several times a week. Every little thing was a full-on discussion. I just couldn’t do it anymore. It was suffocating."
"I ghosted a guy after six months of dating. He could never decide if he actually wanted a relationship and was always blowing me off. Once, I didn't hear from him for three weeks, then got a Myspace message explaining that he had driven 2000 miles to California, gone on a massive cocaine bender, and drove his car off a cliff. He asked if I wanted to hang out. I did NOT. So, I ghosted his ass. I still stand by that decision 15 years later."
"I got in a fight with my boyfriend and tried to break up with him. I went out later and gave my number to another guy. My boyfriend and I ended up making up — when the other guy called, I didn't have the heart to tell him the truth, so I just didn't say anything. My boyfriend is now my husband of 13 years, so I guess it all worked out."
"This guy I was seeing would disappear for days or weeks at a time, and as soon as I would move on, he’d pop up again. Even after I told him I was done, he would send a 'hey, what are you doing?' text. It was too much, so I just stopped answering. He eventually sent me one last message telling me that if I didn’t answer, he was done. Cool, thanks — that was the point."
"I had just gotten of a 10 year relationship, was going through a divorce, and had a toddler. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I didn’t want to be in a relationship (and frankly, I didn’t need to be in one). It was easier to just ignore the texts/calls and find the next person."
"He was engaged...to the mother of his two children. NONE of whom he had mentioned at any point. Instant ghost, zero regrets."
"Our flirting was going well, but I wasn't ready for a relationship. I had some personal stuff going on and, maybe because of my past experiences, was afraid of being stuck in a relationship with no freedom. So, I unfortunately ghosted him. I connected with him a few months later to apologize and explain my side, and then he ghosted me too since he wasn't in the right place mentally. But now we've been together for four months, and it's going great with no problems."
"I met this girl on Tinder about four years ago, and we went out to dinner and a movie. Overall, it was great — until I asked if I could kiss her. It didn't feel right and I felt like the chemistry we had built up throughout the evening was just lost. Instead of telling her that, I just never replied to her texts or answered her calls. I still think about it and wish I could apologize."
"I ghosted a guy when I was 21. He had told me he was 24, but when he left his I.D. out, I looked at it and saw that he was actually 34. If he had been honest from the start, he would have had a chance. I've never seen or talked to him since then."
"I was talking to someone who often wouldn’t respond for two-to-three days. I realized that if he could go a few days without talking to me and not think anything of it, it wasn’t worth spending my time on."
"I ghosted a guy in college about 15 years ago, before ghosting was a known thing. We had kissed and I liked him, but he kept sending me overly intimate chat messages on AOL Instant Messenger that made me feel uncomfortable. The final straw was when I told him I was signing off for the evening and he said he wanted to join me in the shower — this was after, like, three days of knowing each other. He seemed like a nice guy on the surface, but he could not take a hint. I just stopped responding to him, and he eventually stopped reaching out."
"I was really good friends with this guy before we started dating. The problem was that he was very sexual, while I had an extremely low sex drive due to trauma. The one and only time we had sex was nine months into our relationship. I ended it a few weeks later because I realized I didn't want to sleep with him ever again. Soon after that, I ghosted on our friendship because I was embarrassed."
"I’m a very confrontation-averse person and, at the time, I thought it was the easiest way to avoid a difficult conversation. I had already met someone else and wanted to move on — I was only 22 then, and I just didn’t feel like I owed the other person an explanation. Looking back, I should have communicated better and thought about how it might have negatively affected the other person."
16. And finally:
"They sent me their TikTok account. I looked through it and was IMMEDIATELY turned off by their videos."
Now, it's your turn! Have you ever been the one who was ghosted? Tell us your story in the comments!
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.