At long last, vaccine rollouts are finally happening. Huzzah!!
The CDC has released guidelines for what people can and cannot do once they're fully vaccinated. Naturally, Twitter had some great jokes to make about it. Here are some of the funniest "being vaccinated does NOT mean" tweets:
1.
Being vaccinated does NOT mean you can invite three men who you believe might be your father to your destination wedding in Greece without telling anyone.
2.
Being vaccinated does NOT mean it’s ok to make a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter
3.
Being vaccinated does NOT mean you can host an extravagant party at your West Egg mansion that symbolizes the superficiality and moral corruption of the rich
4.
hey PSA: being vaccinated does NOT mean you can invite your friend over for a cask of amontillado sherry, while secretly planning to entomb him within your basement in revenge for a perceived slight
5.
being vaccinated does NOT mean you can start a theme park on an island populated with dinosaurs cloned from dna found in prehistoric mosquitoes, so preoccupied with whether you could that you didn't stop to think if you should.
6.
Being vaccinated does NOT mean that you can steal the Declaration of Independence to follow a secret treasure map written on the back while being pursued by a a group of well-funded mercenaries. Please be safe.
7.
being vaccinated does NOT mean that you can separate your twin daughters during your divorce and move to napa while your wife moves to london and then never tell your daughters that they have a twin sister AND a living parent, leading to them meeting each other at summer camp...
8.
Being vaccinated does NOT mean you can abandon your family and move to a coastal New England town to find work as a friendly but mysterious bartender, all the while knowing your past is just one step behind you
9.
being vaccinated does NOT mean that you can visit the swedish province of hälsingland with your shitty boyfriend and his friends for a once-every-ninety-years midsummer festival, do shrooms, dance, and eventually stuff your boyfriend in a bear carcass and set him on fire
10.
hey PSA: being vaccinated does NOT mean you can invite all of your friends for a drunken drive through the hills, during which you hit a stranger with your car, toss his body into the ocean, and swear to collectively take that secret to your graves
11.
being vaccinated does NOT mean you can invite 5 people over and offer them $10,000 to survive the night in your spooky mansion with you and your malicious wife
12.
hey PSA: being vaccinated does NOT mean you can take your son into the city to see a marching band and ask him to be the savior of the broken, the beaten and the damned
13.
Being vaccinated does NOT mean you and your closest friends can spend the summer at a luxurious country club, participate in a talent show, and ruin Sharpay’s dream of winning the star dazzle award for the 6th year in a row
14.
Being vaccinated does NOT mean you can host a party at your dead boss’s beach house while pretending he is still alive
15.
Being vaccinated does NOT mean you can abandon, neglect, or discard the Oxford comma.
16.
being vaccinated does NOT mean you can go on a road trip across Mexico with your best friend and a Spanish woman you met at a wedding, then betray each other along the way, think about mortality by the beach, and eventually end up in a steamy threesome that tests your friendship.
17.
being vaccinated does NOT mean you can pretend to be your twin brother, get onto the school soccer team, and have the most popular girl start crushing on you while you yourself fall for your hot roommate
18.
Being fully vaccinated does NOT mean you can build me up (build me up) buttercup baby just to let me down (let me down)
19. And finally:
Being vaccinated does NOT mean that you should leave your swamp with a donkey to save a princess from a dragon