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88 Thoughts I Had While Watching Rick And Morty

I finally gave in and watched Rick and Morty.

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Season 1, Episode 3 - Anatomy Park

1. OMG - did Jerry's parents HIRE a slave?!?!

2. Oh, nevermind.

3. Now I feel bad...

4. I just got that Rick's an alcoholic. Three episodes.

5. I feel like my slave thing was better, though.

6. What is Morty doing again?

7. Wait, we have bacteria in our lungs? I feel like the microbes inside us are a colony just inhabiting our body. Did microbes build us? Are we the A.I.s of the microbe world? But we've gained consciousness and are now wrecking havoc upon the world with our antibiotics?

8. AHAHAHAHAHA!!!! WHY IS THERE A CHURRO STAND IN THE DEAD GUY'S STOMACH?

9. I hate Christmas drums. It's stupid and I hate it. I like Ethan, though. He's fun!

10. Is that a rape joke? Can people do that on TV? Or is it subversive and, therefore, not a rape joke? A joke about rape jokes? Rape joke inception?

11. God, episode 3 is like an hour long.

Season 1, Episode 4 - M. Night Shaym-Aliens!

12. I don't think everything is on the up-and-up. Those kids are being too nice to Morty.

13. DAMN, that is a big spaceship.

14. What is happening? And why is it taking so long?

15. What is "human music"? Gospel? Rap? Folk?

16. "Got Milk" doesn't actually make any actual sense, though.

17. That's a really good explanation on how to get out of a mental simulation...

18. Holy shit, is Ricky "grooming" Morty to be his illegal "special" friend? Naked, "nothing wrong with a little horse play now and then"...

19. I'm bored with this show now.

20. HAHA That purple alien is an asshole.

21. Does the magnet poster in Morty's room have any significant meaning?

22. God, that smooth jazz at the end ROCKS MY WORLD.

Season 1, Episode 5 - Meeseeks and Destroy

23. Does love not actually exist?

24. Love and homelessness. Wow. Word. Truth.

25. Becoming more and more convinced Rick is grooming Morty.

Season 1, Episode 6 - Rick Potion #9

26. That dad is always having such zany adventures.

27. Wait, why are there bug-people?

28. God, I bet that IS what humanity is made of!

29. EWWWWWWWWWW

30. Wait, that's not back to normal. The buildings are still on fire.

31. WHY have I NEVER used "Cronenberg" as a verb before?!?!

32. GOOD GOD, MORTY, CALM DOWN!

33. I might throw up.

34. omg I'm so sad for Morty!

Season 1, Episode 7 - Raising Gazorpazorp

35. God, Morty is one horny kid.

36. Like is it a conscious thing or unconscious thing on the party of the writers? The pedo jokes.

37. More pedo jokes! Wait, is it actually really obvious to everyone else and I'm the only one who thinks it's subtle?

38. EW! That kid is gross!

39. Whoa! Sick Civics joke!

40. Whoa! This show is saucy!

41. Every man's nightmare! Their worst fear: war over boobs.

42. Kids in front of the TV - is this a serious commentary or a joke or a meta-joke? I think it was an actual plea...wow.

43. A C-137!!! I GET IT!!!!!! FILM SCHOOL FINALLY COMING IN HANDY!!!!!

44. The women all seem so nice! "I'm here if you need to talk." Why don't women do this in the real world?

45. That was a long ass fart ahahahahahaha!

46. Why are their ears, arms. How have I not noticed that before?

47. Males are people, too.

48. Wait, have they been doing scenes from father-son films this whole time or just Footloose?

49. If they don't play Cat's Cradle at the end, this whole episode would have been all for nothing.

50. Oh yeah. I forgot about the sex bot.

51. But was it really Brian Anderson?

52. Why don't we talk about Marmaduke more as a society?

53. Farting is gross. He broke the 4th wall again.

54. Hey! No Cat's Cradle!!

Season 1, Episode 8 - Rixty Minutes

55. Why was Cloud Atlas even a thing? Why wasn't it straight-to-video? Or an HBO movie?

56. OMG ants in your eyes!

57. Too long. The ants in the eyes joke is officially too long. I hate it.

58. Whoa! Why is Jerry always hating on vets?

59. Wait, are Jerry and Beth both in those timelines at the same time? Or were they different timelines? Does it matter?

60. What is happening? Is this a movie trailer? It sucks and I hate it.

61. Those parents are going to screw up their kids.

62. Are exotic birds the new cats?

63. Is there anything about cats the Internet hasn't already said?

64. BALL FONDLERS!!! SEE?!?!? More pedo jokes!

65. OMG, voice actors improv-ing lines of muted commercials and infomercials live is a great idea and I thought of it first!

66. THAT IS AN AMAZING COMMERCIAL!!! The Real Fake Doors!!!

67. What is wrong with Garfield?

68. Rick and Morty is dealing with some pretty heavy marriage shit right now.

69. Lucky Charms got dark.

70. Are we watching an entire show of commercials?

71. "There's a criminal to kill." Truth, man.

72. I would watch the hell out of "Weekend at Cat Lady's."

73. Holy shit with Jerry and Beth!

Season 1, Episode 9 - Something Ricked This Way Comes

74. I've never felt for someone so much as I feel for that butter-passing robot with an existential crisis.

75. Is that the math teacher? Math, right?

76. omg - Rick totally nailed it! He's a vampire!

77. SEE!!! Oh wait, were they making fun of pluto-deniers? I'm a pluto-denier. Were they making fun of me?

78. Oh damn, a cream that makes you beautiful and also blind? That's some deep stuff right there.

79. "Is there a company hiring teenagers that's not evil?" Damn, I'm inspired! I'm energized! I want to write like you guys!

80. And then...King Flippy Nips...

81. Awww such a sweet soup conversation.

82. Damn, girl! Good wishes with the Monkey Paw.

83. Ha! Scroopy Noopers.

84. Wow. Jerry is petty.

85. Man, how ARE pre-teens and teens supposed to masturbate? Like I need a survey to see where teens masturbate so they don't get caught.

86. Is Dan Harmon a literal (as in real), literal (as in literature) genius?

87. God, how long is this episode?

88. Glib globs

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