Whether we'd like to admit it or not, most people are gigantic failures. They spend their entire lives failing at almost everything they do and then they produce more children who will inevitably become even worse failures then they were because they were on mescaline the night they conceived them. So far, the only people that haven't been failures in this history of human existence are Scott Baio, Tera Patrick and The Undertaker. You could also include the guy who invented Doritos but I think the new "Light Nacho Cheese" flavor bumped him from the list. Seriously, who the hell wants to eat light nacho cheese Doritos?