1. “A penny on the street, maybe I’ll pick it up for good luck,” says your friend.
2. “The office is catering lunch, how generous,” says your friend.
3. “Better check my bank account,” says your friend.
4. “Breakfast! Bring on the muffins and bagels and lox, mmmmm!” says your friend.
5. “Lunch! Bring on the sandwiches and soups and wraps, mmmmm!” says your friend.
6. “Dinner! Bring on the steak and potatoes and green beans, mmmmm!” says your friend.
7. “I’m too drunk to take the train, let’s hail a cab,” says your friend.
9. “Laundry day!” says your friend.
10. “An unexpected sale! Let’s take a quick look,” says your friend.
11. “My parents are in town and they want to take me out to dinner,” says your friend.
“I’ll have two orders of the spaghetti and a loaf of garlic bread,” you say, and avoid eye contact with your parents.
12. “Happy hour is such a great way to catch up with friends,” says your friend.
“We’ll talk about your relationship problems in exactly 33 minutes. BOTTOMS UP, YOU CHATTERBOXES!” you say, signaling the waitress for another round.
13. “Eww, a roach in the apartment! Kill it, quick!” says your friend.
14. “I don’t know if the table is taking up too much space in the apartment,” says your friend.
“You can fit a WHOLE TABLE in your apartment?!” you say, in complete awe.
16. “Let’s get a nice bottle of wine to go with dinner tonight,” says your friend.
17. “Time for Game of Thrones, turn on the TV!” says your friend.
- A state of emergency was declared in Baghdad as protesters breached the fortified "Green Zone," home to most ministries and embassies in the city.
- Daniel J. Berrigan, an American priest and poet famous for leading anti-Vietnam War protests, has died at the age 94.
- President Obama zinged the media and the field of presidential contenders before dropping the mic at his final White House Correspondents' Dinner 🎤