1.
I cannot stop thinking about MySpace and how most of you under 19 have never experienced its peak. You never spent 5+ hours finding a moving glitter wallpaper, a shitty owl city song for your profile, reposting bulletins so a clown won’t kill your mum and of course pic4pic? [:
2.
I've spent my whole adult life chasing the high of a scholastic book fair
3.
My only goal when getting ready to go out in public is to make sure a teenager doesn't take a discreet picture of my outfit and meme me
4.
Mother: can you please fix my computer Me: *leans back in chair* well... well ... well ... if it isn’t Miss ‘Get Off That Computer’ Years 1994 to 2006
5.
age 18: who's this 23 year old asshole age 23: who's this 18 year old asshole age 30: who's this 29 year old asshole
6.
Exciting perks of adulthood: 1. Busy! Busy all the time! What are you even doing? You don't know! 2. Very tired. 3. Some kinda stomach ache??? 4. Definitely sad about something. 5. Bills! Bills all the time! What are you even paying for? You don't know!
7.
Millennial: wow cool Ramones t-shirt. Did you get it from a website Me: (my face is red and steam is shooting out my ears): THE MALL!!!!
8.
Being an adult is like being a Quentin Tarantino movie: it starts out real cool, there's lots of cursing, it's very confusing, everyone dies
9.
My workout schedule: Age 20: Ran every day. Age 25: Exercised once a week. Age 31: Pulled a muscle walking to the fridge.
10.
[at a party] Me: *over the music* DO YOU HAVE A RECYCLING BIN?
11.
One day you're not old and the next day you have a favorite grocery store.
12.
[concert] SINGER: hows everyone doin tonight CROWD: woo ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): it's actually been a tough few months
13.
people aren't allowed to be better than me and younger than me. choose one
14.
Adulthood is mostly whispering "For Fucks sake" Every time the phone rings
15.
My 20s: *drinks all the drinks, does all the drugs, has all the sex. My 30s: *sits on the couch until it's no longer too early to go to bed
16.
[checks Facebook & sees my 4th grade girlfriend has liked my hot chocolate recipe share] ME: I knew she'd come crawling back to me one day
17.
all i wanna do is [gunshot noise x4] [cash register noise x2] get healthy, have a job i love, and be happy
18.
my parents, at 27: married, with a kid me, at 27: i prefer ordering pizza Online so i don't have to ever interact with a human person
19.
adulthood is emailing "sorry for the delayed response!" back and forth until one of you dies
20.
Me: It's like that episode where Brenda and Dylan- Therapist: Who? Me: Forget it. You can't help me.
21.
tfw you aren't being grilled by the Senate Judiciary Committee
22.
plz stop calling Gen Zers ‘millennials’! Millennials don’t eat TIDE PODS we eat freaking avocados and ass.
23.
in my twenties i thought i was an extrovert but it turns out i was just drunk and screaming
24.
Hey millennials: the only "app" I needed to meet girls in the 1980s was an 'appetizer' at my local restaurant, plus a shit-ton of cocaine
25.
shout out to my mom. im sorry i rolled my eyes when u were confused by pop culture. i get it now. i have no idea who the fuck bebe rexha or lil tay is. i never really found out about the laurel vs yanny thing. im confused and strangely angry and i wanna have a sit.