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83 Thoughts I Had Watching The "Outlander" Season Finale

My body was not ready. SPOILERS AHEAD.

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1. My body is so, so far from ready for this.

2. Oh god, the intro song, but it’s the FINALE intro song.

3. Sing me a sooong of a lass that is GOOOONE.

4. Goddammit, we’re really back in modern times.

5. I’ve been secretly hoping all season that we’d all just collectively forget Claire gets pushed back into modern times, and she stays with Jamie in Scotland.

6. They survive the Battle of Culloden, return to Lallybroch, and take up sheep farming.

7. The next season is all just graphic, tartan-themed sex scenes.

8. Helloooo, Roger.

9. CLAIRE WITH THAT 1960s, VOLUMINOUS BOB.

10. Claire’s slightly graying 1960s haircut has cured me, it’s soothed me, my ailments are no more, it’s brought peace to the world and solved all known economic crises.

11. And she’s still wearing Jamie’s ring. Wow, it’s amazing how ready my body was not.

12. Helloooo, Brianna. If you only knew where you got that fiery red head of hair.

13. Frank DIED? Oh, thank god.

14. Brianna, look, Frank is not daddy. Literally everyone sees Jamie and says, “Daddy.”

15. Roger is truly a babe. And I don’t think it’s just because I’m in Jamie withdrawal.

16. Oh my god, ROGER IS A MACKENZIE.

17. Claire is always surrounded by that clan, no matter where or when she is. That makes my heart so happy.

18. Helloooo, Jamie.

19. Mark me: If you’re the reason Jamie dies, I will kill you, Bonnie Prince Charles.

20. No! I don’t want to see a “Brianna and Roger falling in love” montage I want to see what happens in 1700s Scotland!

21. That’s a bold hat, Bri.

22. Why isn’t someone taking care of Lallybroch? Where are Jenny’s garbage great great grandchildren?

23. Claire is so crafty. Some women always have mints in their purse; Claire always has a small vile of poison.

24. YES, KILL CHARLES. SAVE JAMIE. KILL THAT BONNIE BASTARD.

25. Sidenote: Do you think Claire ever got her vase?

26. Claire is rubbing her own feet now because Jamie isn’t there to rub them for her. My heart.

27. OH SHIT, DOUGAL. Did he hear? What dumb Dougal thing is he going to do now?

28. I love that Bri is wearing a plaid skirt, she’s a Fraser even when she isn’t trying.

29. Uhh, that sounds like Geillis? Is that Geillis?

30. YEAH, THAT IS GEILLIS DUNCAN. This must be before she went back in time.

31. The dragonfly in amber! Like Jurassic Park, an insect trapped in amber might be the key to everything.

32. The next time I get into a fight with someone, I’m using the line, “You’re nothing but a lying slut who would lead a man by the cock to his doom.”

33. DOUGAL, CHILL.

34. EVERYONE CHILL. PLEASE LOCATE THE CHILL, PEOPLE.

35. DOUGAL NOOOOOOOOO. OH MY GOD. OH GOD WHY.

36. THEY KILLED DOUGAL. CLAIRE AND JAMIE HELD HANDS AND KILLED DOUGAL. RIP Dougal, you were kind of the worst, but I still weirdly liked you.

37. Can we pause and just give me a moment?

38. We’re just back in an attic in 1968 now? We’re just moving on?

39. Fine, but only because Roger, somehow, looks really hot in his chunky gray turtleneck.

40. Must be one of Jenny’s garbage grandchildren laying flowers at the Culloden Fraser rock.

41. Glad you’re not crying during this scene, Claire, cause THE REST OF US CERTAINLY FUCKING ARE.

42. Jamie can’t be dead, we’re renewed for two more seasons.

43. Bri, I get that this whole “your dad is a 17th century Scot” news is jarring, but it’s going to be fine. Your real dad is super hot.

44. Murtagh being so chill about Dougal’s murder is maybe the best moment in the series.

45. Be the Chill Murtagh you wish to see in the world.

46. “My real father is some six-foot, three-inch redheaded guy in a kilt from the 18th century?” Girl, if you only knew.

47. Bri is so stubborn, Claire is taking that exasperated tone she only takes with Jamie.

48. “Too bad it wasn’t you.” Cold, Bri.

49. ALL THE EMMYS FOR CAITRIONA BALFE.

50. The turtleneck game on this show is so strong. Everyone is so hot and wearing such a flattering turtleneck.

51. Oh, SHIT. Geillis was married in 1968?! Does she poison him? Smell his breath, Claire. Does Greg smell of bitter almonds?!

52. We all have our "thing." Geillis' "thing" is marrying a douchebag in every century she visits.

53. Is the Battle of Culloden ever going to happen? We just keep hearing the distant clinking of artillery.

54. It infuriates me that Jamie is so ready to die. Does he not understand that to waste that level of genetic blessing is a mortal sin?

55. Oh, Murtagh. “I’ll be dying with you.” I’d like to get that embroidered on a pillow.

56. Bri is so much like Claire. She’s so blunt and honest and logical.

57. “He was tall.” Seriously, Claire? That’s how you’re going to start describing Jamie to Bri? He was TALL?

58. “It was the most powerful thing I’d ever felt in my life.” Swoon.

59. Poor Roger, his dad just died and now he’s got these two biddies living in his house, arguing about time travel, and he just wants to wear his chunky turtlenecks in peace.

60. Religion: Jamie Fraser referring to himself as “Red Jamie” in the third person.

61. Jamie kept track of Claire’s periods?! THAT IS LOVE.

62. I’M JUST LOOKING FOR A MAN WHO WILL KEEP TRACK OF MY PERIODS FOR ME.

63. I can’t deal with this scene. “This home is lost.” I can’t deal.

64. Jamie, just let her stay. Or go with her. This is bullshit.

65. “A fucking barbecue.” Roger and Geillis certainly are related.

66. HOLY SHIT DID GEILLIS ALSO KILL HER 1960s HUSBAND?

67. Geillis is just traveling through time, killing her husbands in every century. This is some Addams Family Values shit.

68. “Tell him I’m grateful. Tell him I trust him. Tell him I hate him to the very marrow of his bones.” I'd also like that embroidered on a pillow.

69. Hottest. Sex. Scene. Ever. Finally we get some good sex this season, FINALLY.

70. More like Craigh na DAAAAAMN.

71. Welp, guess I’ve got my wedding vows/yet another embroidered pillow taken care of now. “Blood of my blood, bone of my bone, as long as we both shall live.”

72. JAMIE’S SINGLE TEAR.

73. I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS, THERE AREN’T ENOUGH TISSUES IN THE WORLD.

74. Can we just take a minute here, a minute for us all to hold each other and remember in the face of all this tragedy, Claire’s 1960s bob is still amazing?

75. GO BACK THROUGH THE STONES, CLAIRE AND BRI. Just make it a family trip! It’s fine! Bring Roger, he’s chill!

76. JUST TOUCH THE STONES, FRASER WOMEN.

77. Oh my god. James Fraser lives.

78. HE’S ALIVE. JAMIE IS ALIVE.

79. CLAIRE I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DON’T GET THROUGH THOSE STONES…

80. TAKE THAT SWEET BOB AND GET BACK TO THE 18TH CENTURY.

81. “I have to go back.” YEAH YOU DO.

82. Alright, so, not going to be able to do anything until Season 3 comes out.

83. Just going to sit here and wait.

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