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24 Reasons Going To The Beach Is Actually The Worst

The ocean hates your love.

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1. The ocean is filthy. The ocean is a big fish toilet.

AND OTHER SEA CREATURE EXCREMENT.

2. And most of it is still unexplored. We don't even know what's down there.

ANYTHING COULD BE DOWN THERE.
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ANYTHING COULD BE DOWN THERE.

3. EXCEPT FOR CRABS, LYING IN WAIT TO PINCH YOUR TOES AS YOU INNOCENTLY WALK BY.

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JERKS.

4. AND, OH YEAH, SHARKS.

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Go watch Jaws.

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5. Going into the ocean is the equivalent of OFFERING YOURSELF UP AS SHARK FOOD.

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BYE.

6. And what else lives in the ocean? GIANT SQUIDS.

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WAITING TO TOUCH YOU WITH THEIR TENTACLES.

7. The one thing we do know about the ocean for sure: It hates people.

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8. It literally does nothing but kick us out.

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9. Some people call them "waves" but they're really just "passive-aggression."

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"HAHA, FCK U."

10. The ocean loves nothing more than to fluctuate temperatures, just to mess with humans.

"Yesterday the water was 83 degrees and today it's 0 DEGREES."

11. And getting a drop of salty ocean water in your eyes? DEATH.

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DEATH.

12. The beach is packed with people. And people cannot be trusted.

When I was a kid I would dig a hole in the sand, pee in it, and bury the hole back up. #beachfail

Sara-Shojobeat@ShojoAIE

When I was a kid I would dig a hole in the sand, pee in it, and bury the hole back up. #beachfail

4:34 PM - 19 Jun 13ReplyRetweetFavorite

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13. The sun lives at the beach, and the sun is horrible.

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It burns you. It literally destroys your skin.

14. Spending one hour on a sunny beach can lead to one week of applying aloe and sleeping sitting up.

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And, later, awkward tan lines.

15. The beach requires lugging around so many things that no one ever ends up using.

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Beach balls, water floats, chairs, umbrellas, these are all POINTLESS THINGS.

16. No one ever really knows what to do once they get to the beach.

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Maybe we'll swim? Or just sit here?

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17. But it doesn't even matter what you do. The ocean is waiting to foil you.

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"HAHA FCK U."

18. Sand.

It gets all over everything everywhere forever.
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It gets all over everything everywhere forever.

19. Beach parties.

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Sand in your drink, sand in your food, sand everywhere forever.

20. Seagulls live at the beach, waiting for the opportune moment to fly by and poop on your food.

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"EXTRA MAYO? HAHA."

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21. It's impossible to take a flattering picture at the beach.

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THE WIND, THE SAND.

22. You think the beach is romantic? The beach is not romantic.

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NOOOOPE.

23. The beach hates your love.

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YUUUUUP.

24. Nothing good ever comes from going to the beach.

Just stay home.
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Just stay home.