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33 Reasons "Jurassic World" Is Going To Be The Worst

I mean, wow.

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Jurassic World is opening soon, and people are really excited.

Universal

But people seem to be missing a VERY important part of the trailer.

Universal / Via youtube.com

So let's take a closer look.

Universal / Via youtube.com

1. Ahh, what an interesting scene of a family saying goodbye at the airport, but, hmmm. None of these people seem to be...

Universal / Via youtube.com

2. ...Dr. Ian Malcolm, Badass Chaotician.

Univercal

3. Look at the boat people. They must be having a good time on their boats. But you know what would make their time better?

Universal / Via youtube.com

4. Dr. Ian Malcolm and his stylish transition lenses.

Universal

5. Oh, look! A fun* dinosaur park!

Universal / Via youtube.com

6. *Really just mediocre dinosaur park, unless Dr. Ian Malcolm is there, drenched and wearing some sort of funky amulet.

Universal

7. So many people! Look at all these people!

Universal / Via youtube.com

8. But none of these people are Dr. Ian Malcolm, gently but authoritatively telling you that "life, uh, finds a way."

Universal

9. Look at these dinosaurs running next to a little garbage truck full of people!

Universal / Via youtube.com

10. JK let's not look at that, let's look at Dr. Ian Malcolm striking a seductive pose as he gazes at a giant pile of shit.

Universal

11. Ahh, such a comforting scene, such a lovely view of nature. But you know what's lovelier?

Universal / Via youtube.com

12. Dr. Ian Malcolm LOOKING INTO YOUR EYES AND DROPPING WATER ON YOUR HANDS LIKE A SUBSERVIENT GREEK GOD.

Universal

13. Lookit, there's a gyrosphere.

Universal / Via youtube.com

14. Screw that gyrosphere, Dr. Ian Malcolm is lying in a pile of leaves, vulnerable and injured!!!

Universal

15. How fascinating! A dead shark!

Universal / Via youtube.com

16. NOPE, what's truly fascinating is Dr. Ian Malcolm's quiet, maniacal laugh.

Universal

17. OMG, look at Chris Pratt getting chased by a dinosaur!

Universal / Via youtube.com

18. It was SO MUCH BETTER when DR. IAN MALCOLM got chased by a dinosaur!

Universal

19. Oooo wait, maybe that's Dr. Ian Malcolm???

Universal / Via youtube.com

20. Fuck, never mind.

Universal / Via youtube.com

21. Wow, Chris Pratt sure is hot.

Universal / Via youtube.com

22. But DR. IAN MALCOLM SURE IS HOTTER.

Universal

23. Oh no, a broken hat — danger must be afoot, right?

Universal / Via youtube.com

24. ALL'S WELL, DR. IAN MALCOLM'S SHINY TORSO IS HERE.

Universal

25. Oh no, a broken pod thingy.

Universal / Via youtube.com

26. WHATEVERRRRRR.

Universal

27. A big tooth!

Universal / Via youtube.com

28. WHATEVERWHATEVERWHATEVERWHATEVER.

Universal

29. Motorcycle?

Universal / Via youtube.com

30. 😬😬😬

Universal

31. Jurassic World???

Universal / Via youtube.com

32. More like Jurassic Where Is Dr. Ian Malcolm?

Keely Flaherty / BuzzFeed / Universal

33. You brought us scientists BUT WHERE IS OUR ROCK STAR???

Blingee

NOTE: Even if Jeff Goldblum does make that rumored cameo, it won't be enough. It will never be enough.

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