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33 Reasons "Jurassic World" Is Going To Be The Worst

I mean, wow.

Jurassic World is opening soon, and people are really excited.

But people seem to be missing a VERY important part of the trailer.

So let's take a closer look.

1. Ahh, what an interesting scene of a family saying goodbye at the airport, but, hmmm. None of these people seem to be...

2. ...Dr. Ian Malcolm, Badass Chaotician.

3. Look at the boat people. They must be having a good time on their boats. But you know what would make their time better?

4. Dr. Ian Malcolm and his stylish transition lenses.

5. Oh, look! A fun* dinosaur park!

6. *Really just mediocre dinosaur park, unless Dr. Ian Malcolm is there, drenched and wearing some sort of funky amulet.

7. So many people! Look at all these people!

8. But none of these people are Dr. Ian Malcolm, gently but authoritatively telling you that "life, uh, finds a way."

9. Look at these dinosaurs running next to a little garbage truck full of people!

10. JK let's not look at that, let's look at Dr. Ian Malcolm striking a seductive pose as he gazes at a giant pile of shit.

11. Ahh, such a comforting scene, such a lovely view of nature. But you know what's lovelier?

12. Dr. Ian Malcolm LOOKING INTO YOUR EYES AND DROPPING WATER ON YOUR HANDS LIKE A SUBSERVIENT GREEK GOD.

13. Lookit, there's a gyrosphere.

14. Screw that gyrosphere, Dr. Ian Malcolm is lying in a pile of leaves, vulnerable and injured!!!

15. How fascinating! A dead shark!

16. NOPE, what's truly fascinating is Dr. Ian Malcolm's quiet, maniacal laugh.

17. OMG, look at Chris Pratt getting chased by a dinosaur!

18. It was SO MUCH BETTER when DR. IAN MALCOLM got chased by a dinosaur!

19. Oooo wait, maybe that's Dr. Ian Malcolm???

20. Fuck, never mind.

21. Wow, Chris Pratt sure is hot.

22. But DR. IAN MALCOLM SURE IS HOTTER.

23. Oh no, a broken hat — danger must be afoot, right?

24. ALL'S WELL, DR. IAN MALCOLM'S SHINY TORSO IS HERE.

25. Oh no, a broken pod thingy.

26. WHATEVERRRRRR.

27. A big tooth!

28. WHATEVERWHATEVERWHATEVERWHATEVER.

29. Motorcycle?

30. 😬😬😬

31. Jurassic World???

32. More like Jurassic Where Is Dr. Ian Malcolm?

33. You brought us scientists BUT WHERE IS OUR ROCK STAR???

NOTE: Even if Jeff Goldblum does make that rumored cameo, it won't be enough. It will never be enough.