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    Jeff Goldblum Is 65 Years Old And Looks Younger Than You

    Jeff Goldblum is many things, but "mere mortal" is not one of them.

    Hello and welcome. I am here today to blow your mind with some simple math. This is Jeffrey Lynn Goldblum, who you probably know simply as Jeff Goldblum, Hottest And Most Charming Man Alive:

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    Jeffrey Lynn Goldblum was born on October 22, 1952. Now, if you don't have a calculator on hand, allow me to save you some precious time. By my calculations, that makes our beloved Jeffrey Lynn 65 years old.

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    In light of this math, many questions spring to mind, such as "How?" and "What?" and "No?"

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    As you can tell by taking one quick, cursory glance at sweet Jeff, he cannot be 65 years old.

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    Look, 65 is not necessarily "old," however, there is no way in hell THIS MAN is 65 years old.

    I am a 29-year-old woman and I'm pretty sure Jeff Goldblum is at least a couple years younger than me.

    Pascal Le Segretain / Getty Images

    Perhaps our Jeffrey Lynn is not a man at all.

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    Perhaps he is an alien, sent here to fuck with our collective sense of both age and time, and help us evolve past mere numbers.

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    Perhaps he is a wizard, an otherworldly being who's used magic to halt the aging process.

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    Perhaps he was grown in a lab somewhere, in a test tube labeled "Personification of a Snack."

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    Perhaps he is simply one of those Ageless Ovary Destroyers, sent here to destroy ovaries and look real good doing it.

    Whatever he is, however this non-mortal identifies, he is currently 65 human years old, and that is insane.