22 Eating Fails That Prove You Should Always Eat Alone
DON'T LOOK AT ME.
1. Cramming a too-large piece of lettuce in your mouth.
2. Attempting to choke discreetly.
3. Dropping your fork and silently debating whether or not to keep using it.
4. Realizing everyone is staring at your mouth because half of your dinner is stuck in your teeth.
5. Cutting the first piece of cake.
6. Taking the first piece of cake.
7. Realizing too late that you need to wipe your mouth.
8. Requesting a fork in a chopsticks-only restaurant.
9. The Infinity Noodle.
10. Attempting to take a slice of pizza but it's still stuck to the slice next to it, so you pull too hard and ruin everything.
11. Or you give up, take both slices, and then everyone thinks you're fat.
12. Maintaining eye contact while you search for your straw.
13. Dorito dust, and the finger-licking that follows.
14. Taking a gulp of water and accidentally swallowing an ice cube.
15. Having to sample the wine before it's poured.
16. Spilling just a little bit of water in your crotch, so it looks like you half-peed yourself.
17. Failing to squeeze out a silent burp.
18. Slurping an empty cocktail glass to get every last drop of alcohol.
I'M HELPING THE ENVIRONMENT.