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13 Holidays Movies You'll Enjoy Even If You're Cynical AF

Happy *dissociating* holidays.

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'Tis the season, I guess. Everyone is about to start watching lots of lovely, heartfelt holidays movies like Love Actually and A Christmas Story on repeat until January 1, 2018.

But WHAT IF YOU HAVE NO HEART? Worry not, my dude. It's OK, we all deserve happiness this holiday season, even the heartless. Here are some alternative, darker holiday movie options that will appeal to the empty space where your heart should be.

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1. Edward Scissorhands

20th Century Fox

What says "happy holidays" better than an orphan with weaponized hands? This 1990 Tim Burton classic ends with a Christmas crisis, and has everything your cold heart craves: forbidden love, gothic fairytale imagery, and a hero who's unable to achieve physical closeness with others. Relatable.

Available on: Amazon, YouTube, GooglePlay, and iTunes.

2. The Nightmare Before Christmas

Disney

It doesn't matter which side of the "Christmas vs Halloween movie" debate you fall on when it comes to The Nightmare Before Christmas, because that blurring of imagery is exactly what makes this the perfect holiday movie for any low-key goth. If you're going to have holiday cheer shoved down your throat, the least you can ask is that a depressed skeleton going through an existential crisis do the shoving.

Available on: Netflix, Amazon, YouTube, GooglePlay, and iTunes.

3. Die Hard

20th Century Fox

Much like A Nightmare Before Christmas, it doesn't matter if you don't think Die Hard is a holiday movie (even though it is). It's one of the precious few movies out there that can even arguably be categorized as an action-holiday flick. If you're stuck with your schmaltzy relatives who insist on watching a holiday movie, but you wanna see some bad guys die in creatively violent ways, this is the best compromise. You pick: listen to Hugh Grant talk about how love actually is all around for the millionth time, or admit that it isn't truly Christmas until Hans Gruber falls off Nakatomi Plaza.

Available on: Amazon, YouTube, GooglePlay, and iTunes.

4. Lethal Weapon

Warner Brothers

Like Die Hard, this is one of the precious few holiday-action flicks out there. Lethal Weapon is a little less bloody and a little more family-friendly, but still firmly lives in the "cop movie" arena with a subtle Christmastime backdrop. Plus, nothing rings in the holiday season better than Danny Glover growling "Riggs."

Available on: Amazon, YouTube, and GooglePlay.

5. You've Got Mail

Warner Brothers

This is definitely one of the more romantic picks on the list, but in place of heavy-handed romantic holiday fare, we've got Nora Ephron's light, sardonic, witty dialogue — plus two romantic leads who only fall in love after absolutely hating each other first. Kathleen (Meg Ryan) will appeal to your holiday-happy friends as she hangs twinkle lights in her twee New York bookstore, and you'll relate deeply to her secret internet soulmate, Joe (Tom Hanks), a cynical businessman who prefers bouquets of newly sharpened pencils to flowers.

Available on: Amazon, YouTube, GooglePlay, and iTunes.

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6. Home for the Holidays

Paramount Pictures

This 1995 movie features a deeply relatable dysfunctional family Thanksgiving meal, Holly Hunter chain-smoking in all black, and a young Robert Downey, Jr. playing the gay brother we all wish we had. It's like a lighter August: Osage County that will feed your dark soul and remind you that the most traumatic parts of the holidays are also the funniest.

Available on: Hulu, Amazon, YouTube, and GooglePlay.

7. Gremlins

Warner Brothers

The holidays are all about spending time with family, friends, and tiny monsters who create murderous spawn if you spill water on them. Gremlins is still first and foremost a horror movie — the monster just happens to be an ill-advised Christmas present.

Available on: Netflix, Amazon, YouTube, GooglePlay, and iTunes.

8. Bridget Jones's Diary

Miramax

Ahh, a holiday heroine who begins the movie hungover at a Christmas party and ends it making out with a hot dude on the street, in the snow, in her underwear. Bridget Jones's Diary bucks a lot of holiday rom-com tropes, or, at the very least, livens them up with vodka and swearing.

Available on: Netflix, Amazon, YouTube, GooglePlay, and iTunes.

9. Scrooged

Paramount Pictures

Yes, this is an adaptation of Charles Dickens's A Christmas Carol (which is The Most Christmas-y), but it's also Bill Murray. His take on Frank Cross, a modern Ebenezer Scrooge, keeps the movie off-beat, funny, macabre, and weird to the core.

Available on: Amazon, YouTube, GooglePlay, and iTunes.

10. Bad Santa

Columbia Pictures

Billy Bob Thornton plays an alcoholic mall Santa. Lauren Graham plays a woman with a Santa Claus fetish. That's all you really need to know.

Available on: Netflix, Hulu, Amazon, YouTube, GooglePlay, and iTunes.

11. The Shining

Warner Brothers

Nothing captures the holiday spirit quite like slowly going insane in a cold, isolated location with your immediate family. Chunky sweaters, snowscapes, and horrifying ghost-children abound in Stanley Kubrick's 1980 horror film. The Shining holds the perfect balance of winter wonderland scenery and blood-filled elevators.

Available on: Amazon, YouTube, GooglePlay, and iTunes.

12. Hook

Amblin Entertainment

Yes, Hook is a holiday movie. It takes place right before Christmas, and little Jack (Charlie Korsmo) even plays in a Santa Series baseball league. But it's still a dark, sinister take on Peter Pan that's more focused on themes of abandonment and lost belief than magic and fairies (even Tinkerbell deals with the pain of unrequited love). Plus, "fly, fight, crow" sounds way more metal than "ho, ho, ho."

Available on: Amazon, YouTube, GooglePlay, and iTunes.

13. Mean Girls

Paramount Pictures

Alright, look, if your holiday-happy BFF can watch It's A Wonderful Life on repeat for the four weeks leading up to Christmas, we can fudge this one a bit and categorize Mean Girls as a holiday movie. There's the iconic "Jingle Bell Rock" scene, and a major plot point involves holiday candy cane delivery (you go, Glen Coco), so it's fine. Sit back, relax, and watch Regina George get hit by a bus.

Available on: Netflix, Amazon, YouTube, GooglePlay, and iTunes.

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