We asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the craziest thing that happened to them during oral sex. Here are the cringeworthy results.
1. The death by wiener.
I once got a cock ring stuck in my throat while giving a blow job, and I started choking. I was thinking to myself: "This is it. This is how I'm doing to die. Death by wiener." I also started thinking about my funeral and people asking my mom how it happened. I started laughing so hard at the absurdity of it all that the cock ring got unstuck.
2. The rippin' foreskin.
I had my labret (under my lip) pierced, and a U-shaped hoop and little spikes on each side to keep it on. One day I was going down on my boyfriend, and when he went to push his dick in, his foreskin managed to get caught on my lip ring. One of the little spikes ripped through his foreskin and pierced it. I had to take the other spike off and pull the ring out through my lip and his dick. I stopped wearing spikes on my piercings the next day.
3. The vomit vacuum.
My boyfriend and I were on vacation and decided to head into the bedroom for the night. We had a little too much wine, but still decided to have oral sex. I threw up on his penis, and my instant reaction was to suck all of the vomit back in my mouth. He later described it as a vacuuming sensation and thought it was pretty cool. I cried for a solid two hours.
4. The white-hot nostrils.
I was giving my first blow job ever. In a moment of horny rage, he pushed my head down when he climaxed. He shot cum into the back of my mouth and through my nose, and it royally burned my nostrils. I quickly pulled off and started waving my hands and freaking out. It was disgusting. Later, it turned out he had no idea that it happened.
5. The cum shot.
A couple of weeks ago my dude was going down on me. He had been at it for a hot minute and I was cumming all over the place. I felt myself about to cum again, and I knew I was going to squirt, so I tried to get him out of the way. He refused to move, and I ended up cumming in his eye. He was super shocked, but we ended up laughing it off and told all of our friends.
6. The baby bird eater.
I was getting head from a guy who, to say the least, was extremely adventurous in the bedroom. He insisted I cum in his mouth. After all was said and done, I let out a few audible sighs, only to end up with him "baby birding" my own cum into my mouth. He literally fed it to me. He thought it was hot, but I was horrified.
7. The accidental sneeze.
I was giving my high school boyfriend a blow job. When he came I sneezed, and it all flew out of my nose in one long string. Two inches of cum and snot just dangled from my nose. Out of habit, I sniffed like I had a runny nose and it zipped back up into my nostril. We were in hysterics.
8. The hips don't lie.
Once a guy was going down on me, and as I was cumming I moved my hips up and broke his nose. He finished like a champ though.
9. The urine fountain.
When my husband and I got engaged I gave him oral. He orgasmed and came, and then I just continued to give him head anyway. He thought he was going to cum again but he ended up peeing in my mouth. He was mortified and thought I was going to call the engagement off, but we've been happily married for four years.
10. The bloody hymen.
I was eating out my girlfriend and she eventually pulled away. There was a huge red stain around my mouth and chin, and we figured out that I broke her hymen while pleasuring her. The weird part is I didn't even taste the blood until she pointed it out.
11. The weave snatcher.
I was going down on this guy, and all of the sudden, he grabbed my hair and moaned. When he grabbed my hair, he pulled out part of my weave! He looked at his hand and started to say "What's this?" but I quickly snatched it out of his hand and ran into the bathroom.
12. The potty mouth.
My best friend's boyfriend was going down on her and he unfortunately ended up with toilet paper remnants in his mouth because she didn't clean herself properly.
13. The pussy licker.
This girl and I were having sex, and we swapped places so I could go down on her. She was on the couch, and I was on my knees. Her cat wandered by as I was giving her head and it started to licked my junk. It was...interesting.
14. The lost labia.
I was in reverse cowgirl position one night, and the guy decided to pick me up and pull me backwards to his face so he could perform oral. Unfortunately for me, my foot slipped off the bed and my nether regions fell directly onto his face. After my vagina fell onto his face, there were two massive pools of blood and a huge chunk of my labia missing. It was the worst night ever.
15. The brace face embrace.
I had braces with little hooks on the sides of my teeth. My boyfriend at the time roughly put his member in, and when he pulled it out, it got stuck on my braces. I tore out a two-centimeter strip of dick and it bled nonstop, as if someone had just been slaughtered.
—Irene van der Wolf, Facebook
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.