1. Submitted by brittanyb486410819:
Freshman year of high school, I went on a date to the rodeo (a date I didn’t want to be on). He won a neon green stuffed monster, bigger than the both us, but he eventually threw up on it while on a ride. The puke-soaked stuffed monster FELL onto a crowd of girls below us — it smelled like dog food, essentially making everyone gag. My mother came to pick us up ASAP to bring me a change of clothing and my date a pair of my brother’s clothes. After the night was over, he kept the giant stuffed monster…and my brother’s clothes. I haven’t attended a rodeo since then, and I live in Texas.
2. Submitted by Tarrah F.:
For a second date, I went to a fairly nice restaurant with this guy from a neighboring college town. It was cute until he started asking me to let him stay the night, explaining how he was a super-awesome cuddler. He also told me that if I needed help bathing myself, he wouldn’t mind staying and helping me. The ENTIRE ride back to my apartment was basically him making a case as to why I should let him see me naked. While sitting in his passenger seat, I sent a text to my friend which said something along the lines of: “HELP! THIS DUDE IS CREEPING ME OUT! Make an excuse and call me ASAP!” My friend called and made up some excuse about her fighting with her roommate. He saw the text in the reflection of the window and then not-so-nicely asked me to get out of his car.
3. Submitted by Layla Rindero (Facebook):
I went on a blind date with a guy who rode a brand-new Jaguar and wore a double-breasted suit; initially, I was impressed. Dinner went OK, but sometime around dessert, my date asked strange questions about me and my friends. I tried to figure out what his deal was, and that’s when he hit me with the question of the year: “Can you call your girlfriends up and have them meet us at your place so I can jerk off in front of all of you ladies?” Date finished.
4. Submitted by Lenevieve Pfizenmaier (Facebook):
I was living in Seattle and met someone named Steve at a country bar. Let’s just say I had a couple of beers when he asked me out toward the end of the night, and we swapped numbers. The next day he texted me asking if I wanted to meet for drinks and a movie. I showed up for drinks and Steve was probably a solid 10–15 years older than I had remembered, and was wearing a graphic T-shirt with his hair slicked back. He proceeded to throw back four shots and three beers as we talked, mostly about how he never finished college and then got laid off and was now forced to be a used car salesman. After drinks, we went to the movies, where he whipped out a flask — on a Tuesday night! He offered me some and as I declined, he poured the ENTIRE contents into his large soda. As he slurped down his “soda,” his behavior began to deteriorate when he threw popcorn at the people in front of us. I was officially mortified, so I decided to exit stage left when the credits started rolling. He grabbed me and started to sloppily kiss me at the back of the theater; I not-so-gently shoved him back when he said: “Whose place, baby? Your’s or mine?” At that point, I clarified it was a school night for me and nothing would happen beyond the movie theater…ever. As we exited the elevator, he yelled: “YOUR LOSS, BABY!”
5. Submitted by anonymouslydating:
I allowed my friend from college to set me up on a date, which ended up being a group date out on a lake. My date, Austin, was about 6’3”, heavyset, with long, stringy black hair. Austin happened to love sporting his Speedo. By the afternoon he was plastered, and we all decided to go for a swim. At one point during the swim he got very quiet. The group looked in his direction, and we noticed his face looked like that of a constipated child. His friend yelled: “Get in the boat, now!” Moments later, we saw a very large turd float to the surface next to Austin. Austin laughingly got back in the boat and acted as if nothing happened.
6. Submitted by Mike Cutting (Facebook):
I had a first date that led to serious injuries. We met at Camelback Mountain to hike because she was a fitness buff. Coming down the mountain, there were a lot of people running down, so she looked at me with a “Why not?” expression, and I said: “It’s a bad idea.” She took off running, and about halfway down, she tripped on a rock and landed hard on her knee square onto another rock. Her knee swelled up and she could hardly put pressure on it. The whole time we walked down the mountain, I offered to carry her and tried not to laugh at the same time, ‘cause she was like: “It isn’t so bad; look, I’m not crying or anything!” But the tears welled up, and people kept stopping and said: “Are you all right, dear?” Long story short, we went to the ER and she cracked her patella into three pieces.
7. Submitted by cattgirl813.
When I was 28, I worked in an office building and met an older guy in his 50’s. We chatted from time to time during the elevator rides and in the cafeteria, but the way we talked made me think the friendship was more of a mentoring and smalltalk deal. We discussed work, current events, and occasionally our families. He said he was happily married, and I told him about my pending divorce. This went on for a couple of months. One Friday evening as we were leaving work, I agreed to getting drinks with him. We made more smalltalk until I was close to finishing my drink. At that point, after telling me how much I reminded him of his daughter, he proposed we have an affair. He said we could meet someplace and have fun, then go our separate ways. Then he leaned in, took a sip of his drink and said: “It could be just like ‘Me and Mrs. Jones.’” as though this were the clincher that would win me over. I asked for the check and left.
8. Submitted by katharinek2:
I went on a double date with a friend, and the guy who was my date thought it’d be cool to go to a cemetery. So, we walked around and talked, but when we went back to the car, he realized he dropped his keys. We all had to walk over and around graves to find them.
9. Submitted by maryc18:
I went out with this guy for dinner with a live jazz band. My date knew one of the musicians, so he went over to say hello. He proceeded to talk to him for the ENTIRE dinner. After dinner, I made an excuse that I had to go see my best friend who was bartending because she was having relationship trouble. Try as I might to shake him, my date somehow ended up at the bar with me. Then he proceeded to tell me his best friend/soon-to-be brother-in-law/roommate died a week earlier. I mentioned that he may not be in the right frame of mind to be dating at the moment, but he just shrugged it off and got HAMMERED. He got so hammered that at one point, he told me he did a great Kermit the Frog impression, and then proceeded to talk in a horrible Kermit voice for the rest of the “date.” After that, my friend and I called him a cab. He gave me a hug and burped in my face while saying good-bye.
10. Submitted by greerp:
Last summer I went on a date with a guy, and he brought his cello into the restaurant with him. His CELLO, because he thought someone might try to steal it out of his car…in broad daylight…in a really safe neighborhood. We walked into the restaurant, and I said to the hostess: “Hi, we’re with the band!” And the guy didn’t even laugh. I mean, come on. That was hilarious.
11. Submitted by Kaitlin Powers (Facebook):
I chatted with another guy who was attractive and fairly interesting for a few weeks on a dating site, and then eventually by text message. We talked about our interests and flirted a little bit, but nothing beyond a compliment or random accidental innuendo pun. We met up for our first date and the first thing out of his mouth was: “Wow, you’re even prettier than your picture! Don’t worry, I masturbated twice right before driving over here so I wouldn’t be too excited.” He followed this line with a long, slow wink. I faked a fairly elaborate phone call from my friend about her mom having follow-up trouble from a previous hospital scare and explained that I had to run out, seeing as I was the only one she knew with a car in the city.
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