In 2015, we asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us their craziest stories about college hookups, penises, and everything in between. Here are the beautiful and cringeworthy horror stories.
1. The penis horror story:
I once dated a girl who wore braces. She was giving me a blowjob when we realised that a small piece of the wire had broken off. It ripped a nice hole in my dick, just beneath the tip.
–Robin Mopli Sjökise, Facebook
2. The sibling horror story:
Once, when my brother was super sick with a chest cold, he had a vaporizer running in his room. My parents went out for the evening, so naturally I peed in the vaporizer while he was asleep. When they came home and opened his door they were greeted by a fog cloud made of my urine. Don't worry, he was fine.
3. The college hookup horror story:
One night I accidentally had sex with a tampon in and then had to wait in the ER for nine hours to get it removed.
4. The server horror story:
I worked at a restaurant, and a lady customer left for the restroom and was in there for a really long time. Right before leaving, she told me someone had thrown up all over the toilet. Nope. It was NOT throw up. She shit EVERYWHERE, and it was all liquid. All over the toilet, the floor, the wall, and basically everywhere but inside the toilet. And guess who had it clean it up? Me.
5. The Black Friday horror story:
A woman literally pooped in a container full of cosmetics that was part of a makeup display 'cause she didn't want to lose her spot in the long checkout line.
6. The babysitting horror story:
I just had my navel pierced the day before I started babysitting for the first time. I told the kid he needed to do his homework, but I guess he wasn't happy with taking orders. So, he ripped out my new little belly ring and spit in my face. Never again.
7. The bartending horror story:
I was working in a nightclub when the sudden odor of poop started lurking around in the downstairs area. One of the male managers went into the men's bathroom and discovered poop all over the floor. Turns out two guys had a poo fight and fished their freshly-brewed turds out of the bowl and proceeded to throw them at each other.
—Gaby Lawbuary-Stock, Facebook
8. The sex horror story:
My boyfriend was getting playful during foreplay and started kissing me all over. Unfortunately, I didn't realize exactly where he was headed. Just when I thought it was safe to let out a silent one, I farted right in his mouth. A lot of teeth brushing ensued.
—Katy Day, Facebook
9. The changing room horror story:
I used to work in the women's lingerie department. One day I was told to go and check the fitting room because a man had gone in to try on women's lingerie. I walked in and saw that he jacked off all over the mirror. The rest of the staff acted like it was normal and said it happened all of the time, but I was horrified.
10. The bridesmaids horror story:
My fiancèe left me for my maid of honor on my wedding day. My ex-MOH then later asked me to be in their wedding. In a horrifying twist, he ended up leaving for one of her bridesmaids! She came to me a month later saying she was pregnant with his baby.
11. The celebrity horror story:
I drove three hours to attend a Justin Bieber concert and meet-and-greet. I debated what I would say to him once we met, since it would be a really brief meeting while a picture was taken. I walked up to him and asked if he farted. He gave me a weird look and I continued, "...because you just blew me away." I left the room and security followed me and told me I had creeped him out.
12. The fast food horror story:
My mother and brother were about to order when some kid sitting down bit into his chicken tender. It was really stringy, unlike chicken, and incredibly gray, unlike chicken, and had a tail, unlike chicken. He had just taken a bite of a deep-fried, cooked rat. We don't eat there anymore.
13. The prom horror story:
My best friend unfortunately got her period on prom night. When she got out of the limo, we discovered she actually bled through her pale yellow dress. Nothing says prom like a bloodstain on your dress.
14. The living alone horror story:
I caught my 50-year-old neighbor, naked, masturbating into the dryer where my clothes were.
15. The locker room horror story:
Apparently, someone thought it would be funny to pick up a crusty, dingy, skid-mark-covered pair of underwear with the broom and chase other girls around with them in the locker room. They decided to throw the poop-covered underwear over the lockers, and I looked up just in time to have them come flying over and LAND ON MY FACE.
—Aliscia Boyd, Facebook
16. The parents having sex horror story:
I moved back in with my parents for a little while in college, and one night I woke up because I heard Christina Aguilera's "Dirrty" come through the wall that connected our rooms. I went in to ask them to turn it down, and I caught them doing it doggy style with their backs to me. My dad was wearing a cowboy hat. It's been two years and I'm still psychologically scarred.
17. The blind date horror story:
I wanted to do something casual, so we ended up going to a park. He was horribly obnoxious. He went in for a kiss, and when I politely declined, he pushed me into the duck pond. I can't swim, so a woman resembling Ruth Bader Ginsberg had to come and fish me out. The guy left and I had to walk home.
18. The kitchen horror story:
I was trying to get ready and cook supper at the same time, but I didn't have a bra or shirt on yet. As I bent over to pull a roasted chicken out of the oven, I burned my titty on the oven rack. It took two months to heal, but I still have the scar. The chicken was good though.
19. The office hookup horror story:
I was secretly sleeping with my boss. One drunken night, he got up to pee, tripped, and split his head open. I was naked, slapping him to keep him awake, slipping around a bathroom floor covered in blood. I had to clean the mess up by myself. The next day I was exhausted, pretending to be surprised when I heard the story from my co-workers.
20. The college dorm room horror story:
My friend's roommate came home really drunk one night. She took out her makeup wipe container, peed in it, and then put it back in her drawer.
21. The call center horror story:
I once had a caller sincerely ask me, "My period looks like ground beef and ketchup. Will your vitamins help with that?"
22. The in-law horror story:
My now ex-partner and I lived with his mother. She's a lovely lady, but one night we went to read our books in bed, whilst naked, and in pops his mum to take a photo of us just because she hadn't taken one in a while!
23. The nurse horror story:
One time a lady walked into the ER explaining how her bladder had started to fall out. We brought her into a room to begin examining, and to our surprise, there was a potato shoved into her!
24. The Valentine's Day horror story:
My boyfriend of three years butt-dialed me at 1 a.m., and I heard him having sex with another girl. I eventually found out they were together for six months, and she had no idea about me either.
25. The public bathroom horror story:
While waiting in line for a urinal, a man entered and started rattling on the door of an occupied stall. After a few more moments, the man yelled, "Sorry, everyone!" and he backed into a corner, and took a shit all over the floor and wall. I would estimate the circumference of the shit explosion to be somewhere between a saucer sled and a hula hoop.
26. And the hangover horror story:
My cheap red wine hangover was so bad that my mom literally had to give me medicine in my butthole. I couldn't keep any food or medicine down without throwing up, so my mom took one for the team and gave me a pain-reliever rectal suppository. Thanks, Mom. Sorry for bringing shame on the family.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.