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Updated on Sep 18, 2020. Posted on Aug 4, 2020

I Ranked All Of The "Umbrella Academy" Characters From Worst To Best And You Cannot Change My Mind (Or Timeline) About It

Neglect, cults, and the apocalypse, oh my! Yes, there are spoilers here.

19. Reginald Hargreeves


Wow, where do I even begin with Sir Reginald? This evil alien neglected his children; brainwashed Vanya into thinking she had no powers; was a part of a shady organization that assassinated JFK; created a robot mom who resembled his (former?) girlfriend; and hated the products of his terrible parenting so much that he decided to adopt DIFFERENT CHILDREN in the new timeline. I'm sorry — Reggie is just the worst!

18. Harold Jenkins


Poor little baby Hawwold didn't have any superpowers so he grew up resenting the Umbrella Academy and later on tricked and twisted Vanya's vulnerable emotional state so that she would destroy the planet. Good going, Harold!

17. The Handler


Listen, I love Kate Walsh as much as the next person. And, I also admire and wish I could own her Hunger Games-inspired wardrobe from these last two seasons. But, when you have a little girl's parents killed so you can start your own collection of superhero children to manipulate à la Reginald, you are just well-dressed trash.

16. Pogo


My opinion on Pogo is mostly based off of his appearances in season one. While his ending was very sad, Pogo still had his faults and blindly followed Sir Reginald's orders. I hope to see him move up the list in season three.

15. Grace


Listen, we all love our robot mom, but Grace was just like Pogo: a mindless follower. While her human counterpart's personality and backstory was explored more in season two, Grace still low on the list because robot she was modeled after a real person, presumably without her permission. Yikes.

14. Raymond Chestnut

Netflix / Via Netflix

Lol, this poor guy! He just wanted to help push the civil rights movement forward, but ended up entangled in a cross-dimensional-super-powered-duel-to-the-death between a chaotic family, the Swedes, and the Commission. He gets serious points in my book for not having a complete mental breakdown when Diego and Herb zapped into his house, though!

13. Sissy


From hitting Vanya with her car to having her son develop superpowers, Sissy has been through it these last few months. But, her relationship with Vanya was so *chef's kiss* perfect! I would honestly love to see a spin-off series of their life together as a family on the farm.

12. Cha Cha


It feels so disrespectful to put Mary J. Blige low on any list but she was a time traveling assassin who was hunting a man trapped in a child's body so this ranking seems fitting.

11. Hazel


Oh, Hazel. You deserved so much better! From a contract killer to a man who just wanted to protect the woman he loved from the apocalypse, it was a joy to watch him on screen. I hope he returns for season three!

10. Herb and the Commission


If you would have told me at the beginning of season two I would be rooting for a group of ragtag underdogs who work for the Commission, I would've called you a liar. However, season two did a fantastic job at humanizing Herb and the other pencil pushers who keep the murderous time-traveling company running smoothly. I hope he gets voted to be their new leader permanently! He deserves it!

9. The Swedes


Just like the Commission, I did not see myself rooting for the three blonde men who tried to kill Five on sight either. However, the Swedes' arc of murder, manipulation, and brotherhood was so compelling that I teared up a bit when the lead Swede lost his brothers! I hope he finds inner peace with Klaus' cult.

8. Lila Pitts


So, I definitely wasn't a fan of Lila at the beginning of season two; I had this weird feeling there was something off about her. Turns out that I was right, since she was the Handler's daughter after all! However, throughout the season she really grew on me and now I can't wait for her to reunite with the group in the next season.

7. Diego Hargreeves


New hair, same Diego. Season two Diego really emulated season one Luther in my books: have one thought and repeat it for the entire season. While we did see Diego go through some genuine character development this season as he learned to accept love from his siblings, it was pretty infuriating to hear him talk about saving JFK all season. Especially since he knows firsthand how messed up the future can get if the timeline gets messed up! Your hero complex is acting up again, Diego!

6. Luther Hargreeves


I can't even put into words how much I disliked Luther's character in season one but wow, he did a full 180 on me this season! Luther understands the mistakes he made in the first season and makes a concerted effort not to repeat them. Plus, all of his scenes with Five (all ages of him) were pure comedy gold.

5. Allison Hargreeves


Ignoring the awful wig, Allison really stepped up her game in season two. Instead of using her powers to get everything she wanted like in the original timeline, she sought to create a meaningful life on her own merit. And, sure, there were times I wish she would have rumored some fools *cough* diner scene *cough* it was still awesome to see her living an authentic life.

4. Klaus Hargreeves


In this house, we only love one (1) sober, insightful, loving cult leader! Klaus really matured after being stranded in '60s. Yeah, okay, he started a cult, but his growth and maturity still stands — it takes a lot of strength to inspire so many people! I love all of his interactions with his siblings, especially Allison and Vanya. And, though it was rendered moot, his quest to save Dave was brave and heartbreaking.

3. Vanya Hargreeves


From planet destroyer to supportive parent, Vanya's growth was astronomical in season two and I love to see it! Vanya's arc this season really stole the show for me as we watched her learn to control her powers, learn to lean on her siblings, and accept her bisexual identity. True, she almost destroyed the world again, but with the power of her siblings' love Vanya learned the importance of asking for and accepting help when she needs it, which really paid off in the end of the season.

2. Ben Hargreeves


It speaks volumes that Ben can only communicate with Klaus and yet can still impact the show more than most of its living characters. From his sassy possessions to sacrificing himself to save Vanya, Ben was the true hero of season two. Also, that hug with Diego makes me cry every! Single! Time!

1. Five Hargreeves


Five is the best character on this show, don't @ me. While everyone else has had years between apocalypses, Five has been dealing with back to back crises. He is witty, sarcastic, rude, homicidal, and loyal no matter what. Five complains about his family but literally used his last dying breath to save them all. He's the best man-boy ever written and I will not argue this.

Did you agree with my character rankings? Tell me in the comments below how you would or (wouldn't!) have changed the order I placed them in. But, just know Klaus supports this list, and:

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