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1. An OMG-worthy Mirror of Erised pin to let your fave Harry Potter fan know the true deepest desire of your heart.
2. Fifty Shades of Chicken, a hilariously steamy cookbook full of 50 Shades of Grey parody passages (from the point of view of the chicken) before every recipe, not to mention pics of shirtless dudes handling the bird. Yes, really.
3. Or 50 Ways to Eat Cock, a book of healthy chicken recipes here to make anyone who's ever found eating cock to be gag-inducing change their tune.
4. An absolutely absurd Jeff Goldblum shower curtain that isn't just a gag gift, but a truly thoughtful gesture. I mean, whose life WOULDN'T be improved by this thing?
5. Giant adhesive googly eyes that they can put pretty much anywhere and feel like you're always watching 👀.
6. A set of hilarious penis-shaped lipsticks for your friend who always gives great makeup ~tips~.
7. A squirrel in underpants air freshener, which — thankfully — smells like pine, because that is much more pleasant than what I imagine actual squirrel undergarments would smell like.
8. A sheet of cool custom stickers you could definitely get in the shape of your face or their pet's face, but might I suggest taking it to the next level by preserving their worst-ever selfie for all eternity?
9. An artful mug featuring Prison Mike set against a lovely backdrop of Dementors that's what every The Office fan's dreams — and nightmares — are made of.
10. A stretchy leopard print elephant G-string you should definitely gift to your partner along with a seductive note that includes something about seeing their ~junk in the trunk~.
11. A bottle of "You Smell Nothing, Jon Snow," toilet spray you can give to your favorite GOT fan to comfort them as the end of the show approaches. Then they can use it when they feel that a rather odiferous bowel movement, not just winter, is coming.
12. A personalized penis mug for a truly ~ballsy~ gift. Just don't give it to them in front of their family, that would be a dick move.
13. Cheeky hand sanitizer bottles ideal for that one person who sometimes needs a little reminder that they need to clean their damn hands after doing certain things. You know who I'm talking about.
14. A Bob Ross Deadpool Funko Pop! figure you should just keep on hand for the next time your favorite Marvel fan has a celebration. Then you can pretend it was a ~happy little accident~ that you already had the perfect gift.
15. A screaming goat figure who'll actually scream when they press him. Because sometimes it's not socially acceptable for a human to just randomly scream, so we need to live vicariously through goats.
16. A Nicolas Cage mermaid pillowcase covered in sequins that, like the Declaration of Independence, hold a hidden secret on the other side.
17. A working nose and ear hair trimmer that looks like a ray gun to make their grooming routine a total ~blast~.
18. A pack of surprisingly adorable uterus stickers sure to leave the recipient fallo-peein' themselves with laughter.
19. Jizz the Game, a raunchy roulette-style game that's a total ~ball~. Who knows — you and your friends just might get a-dick-ted.
20. An amazing T-shirt commemorating one of the single greatest episodes of television EVER.
21. A sassy mug that's a dino-mite way to playfully mock the Instagram addict in your life.
Everyone when they open your gifts.
Want more weird and funny stuff? Check out one of these lists:
31 Weird Products That Really Exist And Honestly Have Every Right To
28 Products That Are Guaranteed To Get You Voted "Class Clown"
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