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10 Reasons Why Katie Will Never Be A Pastry Chef

It is with deep regret that I must inform you that after a series of disasters in the kitchen, I have had to relinquish my place in the Bake Off. Here's why...

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1. Despite warnings that pastry is tricky, she ignored gentle suggestions from those aware of her inexperience in the kitchen, that perhaps jam tarts would be a safe option.

2. Instead, she opted for choux pastry – the lightest, crispiest, and airiest of them all. But, to hell with it, the bar was high...

3. After studying recipes and trawling forums for tips...her choux pastry looked liked deep-fried churros. See exhibit 1:

4. And even step-by-step guidance from Mary Berry's chocolate éclair masterclass on YouTube wasn't enough to turn things around.

5. Mary Berry said the secret to good éclairs was piping, yet even M&S pipes couldn't salvage the poor "éclairs" victim to Katie’s culinary incompetence.

6. When attempting to squeeze cream into a soggy and sorry looking "éclair," this is what happened:

7. Although the Great British Bake Off provided the soundtrack to her pastry pursuits, it wasn’t enough to transform her into a star baker for the evening.

8. If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again. In Katie’s case: DO NOT try again. You’ll just end up with 7 more turds on a tray, swimming in butter.

9. In the face of defeat, she almost considered committing the ultimate pastry sin: purchasing *shock horror* pre-made puff pastry.

10. She had to make a Buzzfeed article to apologise to her colleagues for her distinct lack of baked goods. Unlike Iain, she hasn't brought in her bin, but instead strawberries dipped in the glaze of the non-existent chocolate éclairs.

Sorry everyone... I think I’ll stick to the annual mince pie baking!

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