29 Things Married People Do When Their Spouse Is Out Of Town

Cereal and booze is a totally well-balanced dinner, right?

1. Realize that you’re stuck doing the chores they usually do.

2. Let the dog sleep in your bed.

3. Sleep like a mad person.

4. Drink in the bathtub.

5. Never close the bathroom door.

6. Realize how useful your spouse actually is.

My husband is out of town so I'm chewing my food carefully because I'm worried I'll choke and die and the cat will eat my face, obviously.

— Jennifer (@ucancallmejenn)

7. Drink straight from the carton.

8. Eat things only in bowls.

It’s amazing how many meals I eat out of a bowl when my wife is out of town.

— Michael Bushong (@mbushong)

9. Avoid using any actual dishes.

You can always tell when my wife is out of town because the cat uses more dishes than I do.

— Craig Kuehne (@ckuehne)

10. Allow the dishes to pile up until they come home.

11. Eat the food your spouse is allergic to.

*When the wife goes out of town you can eat anything you want for dinner* #GlutenFull #Blessed

— Joe Jones (@Iagreewithjoe)

12. Do extremely experimental cooking ideas.

This is what happens to dinner when the wife goes out of town.

— BendPak (@BendPak)

13. Fart everywhere, anytime.

Disney / Via giphy.com

14. Binge-watch the TV shows they don’t like.

Wife is out of town and I'm now commencing with season 3 of the wire.

— Kombiz Lavasany (@kombiz)

15. Stay up way too late binge-watching that show.

Wife goes out of town for one night = Husband stays up until 2am watching 5 consecutive episodes of Breaking Bad.

— James Trimble (@guvnahjames)


Wife goes out of town in 10 minutes. Dominos large thin crust with boneless chicken wings ordered in 11 minutes.

— Nick Bush (@nicknickbush)

17. Get EXTREMELY annoyed if you have to wait to watch one of the shows you watch together.

Of course the husband goes out of town the week of the season finale of Mad Men.

— youngna (@youngna)

18. Sleep with a pile of laundry on the bed.

19. Fill your wineglass extra high so you don’t have to get off the couch again.

20. Abuse electricity for the sake of extreme laziness.

This is what happens when the wife goes out of town. #thishappenseverysaturday #FPL I need more devices don't ya think?

— Jeff Rider (@cloudwrangler)

21. Sneak cigarettes.

22. Do the weird chores that would baffle and annoy your spouse if they saw you.

cleaning the oven...Yes, husband is out of town, now the strange chores begin..First the oven then the drawers!

— Suzanna Litwin (@Zannabanana)

23. Eat like a teenager.

24. Obtain fridge status: bachelor.

25. Eat sad single people food.

26. Completely forget how to cook.

27. Seriously, you might get scurvy if they’re gone for more than two weeks.

28. Realize exactly how useful they really are.

When my husband goes out of town it's great because I get to catch up on all the loneliness I forgot exists inside of me.

— Susan Burke (@ThatSusanBurke)

29. Frantically clean up an hour before they come home.

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