The Truth Befind Santa’s Wild Booze And Sex-Filled Night

For the first time ever, Santa’s actual trip is captured in photographs.

1. On Christmas Eve, Santa says goodbye to his favorite polar bear and leaves out some extra fish for the night

Lionel Cironneau / AP

2. In his sleigh, he makes his first stop in Finland

Lehtikuva / Reuters

3. But in his next stop in Russia, Santa has a few too many vodkas…

Ilya Naymushin / Reuters

4. He wakes up at 5am next to a strange girl. Oh shit, he’s running late

Lionel Cironneau / AP

5. His reindeer all left without him, so he catches a boat

Eliseo Fernandez / Reuters

6. When he gets to land, he hotwires a motorcycle

Justin Sullivan / Getty Images

7. Then he steals an elephant…

Chaiwat Subprasom / Reuters

8. Dammit, when he gets to Rio de Janeiro, he’s spotted by some kids

Silvia Izquierdo / AP

9. He’s gotta SCUBA across the Atlantic Ocean

Sukree Sukplang / Reuters

10. Oooh awkward… he runs into an old mermaid flame.

Romeo Ranoco / Reuters

11. Santa’s kind of a neatfreak, so in Tokyo, he stops to clean the windows on a building he stops at

Kim Kyung-Hoon / Reuters

12. He drops by Afghanistan to say hi to a few friends

Fabrizio Bensch / Reuters

13. Ugh hungover as heck and having to cycle across the Sahara

Max Rossi / Reuters

14. Ok quick break to say hi to Katy Perry. Hey girl, how you doin’?

Astrid Stawiarz / Getty Images

15. Finally, he buys a last minute commercial ticket home

The Arizona Republic, Tom Tingle / AP

16. C’mon c’mon dude, don’t you know how this is?

Win McNamee / Getty Images

17. Skiing back to the North Pole

Stefano Rellandini / Reuters

18. And finally, back with his polar bear friend. What a night!

Lionel Cironneau / AP

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