1. The atheist grandson who doesn’t want to say grace at Thanksgiving.
2. This egg-laying “ovipositor” dildo that lays an egg inside the orfice of your choice.
4. This lady’s very intimate 4th of July fireworks display.
6. The guy from the “Stuff in My Dick” Tumblr who did this to a Minion.
8. These weirdly adorably photos from Things My Dick Does Tumblr.
11. This Minion in a place it doesn’t belong.
12. This couple’s Minions-themed wedding.
Amazing 'Minions' themed wedding in Cumbria! #OneInAMinion http://t.co/OtuPR1z7EH
— BBC Cumbria (@BBC_Cumbria)
17. The guy who fucked this chicken for Thanksgiving.
18. The mom who was willing to just wash off the Thanksgiving turkey after the dog humped it.
21. This drunk UConn student who got kicked out of the food hall for screaming when he wasn’t served mac ‘n cheese.
24. The person who forgot to turn the flash off on this creepshot of actress Chloë Moretz.
25. The way this couple makes waffles.
29. This “Today I Fucked Up” story on Reddit about a guy who lost his erection while losing his virginity because his girlfriend made Shrek jokes.
So this happened a little under two months ago, but I felt as if this had to be shared because it was extremely traumatizing.
So my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time, and it involved really good foreplay and cuddling and whatnot. With me, when it comes to a new person for the first time, my nerves can get the best of me and sometimes I suffer from performance anxiety when it comes to first times with others, so during sex I had a hard time keeping it up (my penis that is) simply because of the nerves I was experiencing. My girlfriend understood completely and we decided to take a break and try again in maybe 30 minutes.
So when we finally got into it again, it was much better. We were really going at it missionary style when she says to me, “when you cum just pull out and do it on my stomach.” That was fine with me, so I kept going until 15 seconds later she said, “Yeah. Better out than in I always say.” At that moment I exploded. I laughed so fucking hard and my erection disappeared faster than most things possibly can. I was on her bed with my limp dick in her and I was losing it. Needless to say, sexy time went unfinished that night, and that was that. Thankfully, she found it really funny too, and takes some of the blame for it. Shrek is love, shrek is life.
TL;DR - Having sex with girlfriend for first time, she makes shrek joke, I laugh so hard I lose my erection, sex over.
30. The guys who didn’t realize this was a horse vagina photoshopped onto a woman.
35. The proliferation of sexually charged, aggressive chain texts.
37. The Deviant Art user “BigKneeLover” who draws anime girls with big knees.
40. The guy who is obsessed with the idea of someone eating his foot, making a foot quesadilla.
44. The students who misunderstood what the “puppy petting session” was going to be…
45. The woman who made sourdough bread using vaginal yeast.
46. A furry talking about how he was going to smoke a joint with his fursona.
47. This medical issue.
48. What this dog is doing to this phone.
If for some shocking reason you liked what you saw here, definitely check out BuzzFeed’s Internet Explorer podcast.
And part one of “The Worst Things” with an interview with the buttchugging girls and the turkey-fucking guy.