The 12 Worst Things About Being A Museum Caveman


Look, I hate to be a complainer, because I know I have it pretty good here in this museum.

1. But…. sometimes it’s just like, you just want to chill and start a fire with Grooook in private.

2. You’re allowed to decorate your own walls, but the museum staff won’t give you proper paint rollers.

3. Don’t even get me started on the tourists in fanny packs always stopping by.

4. It’s annoying when you’re just trying to roast some mammoth with your friends and people are taking photos of you like you’re Justin freakin’ Bieber or something.

5. The prima donna woolly mammoth is always trying to upstage you to visitors. Kids go nuts for the mammoth, you can’t even compete!

6. And I have to say it: the food sucks.

7. Is it too much to ask for one of those shower pouf things? They’re like 99 cents.

8. You’ve got this great spear, but the guards won’t actually let you use it.

9. Everyone’s always asking you if you know this guy:

Michael Loccisano / Getty Images

10. And it’s like, “uh, no I’ve been stuck here in this corner with my rocks since 1978, I haven’t exactly had time to meet famous insurance spokesmen.”

11. Between you and me, after a few years, the ennui just sets it. My heart just isn’t in it. I’m ready for the Bronze Age.

12. Lastly I know this is TMI, but there are NO good waxing places in this museum.

Oh yeah… there is a plus side: the babes. Awwoooga!

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