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31 Signs You're Living With A Stoner

This is just to say / I have eaten the Doritos in the cupboard / That you were probably saving for later / Forgive me.

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1. When there are baked goods in the house, you have to ask if they're regular or "special."

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2. There are always towels blocking the doorway.

3. Sometimes you will admire some beautiful vase or piece of art they own, then realize it's a bong.

4. Your snacks mysteriously disappear, but in a polite way.

5. It's easy to shop for them at birthdays and holidays.

6. They sometimes have very shady "friends" come over and you're pretty sure they're drug dealers.


7. They can be incredibly considerate roommates.

8. If you're a woman, you'll notice your hair supplies mysteriously disappearing.

9. They're not always as paranoid about getting caught by neighbors as you are.

10. You have a strange arsenal of equipment that looks like you are preparing for a nuclear bomb.

11. You've witnessed extreme crimes against food.

12. You're used to hearing moments of genius poetry.

13. Although they can't fix things around the house, they're a MacGyver of building bongs.

14. You never know if you're actually funny because everything you say elicits riotous laughter.

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15. When you're having a bad day, their advice is always:

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16. There has been at least one attempt to get your pet high.

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17. You may have to play it cool around their stoner friends.

18. They're impervious to being reminded about chores.

19. But they do have a rock solid excuse for why they can't talk about the dishes right now.

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20. And they're always in the mood to order pizza.

21. You are never short of lighters in your place.

22. Any fruit left unattended in your home can and will be turned into a bong.

23. Your place is always well stocked with Febreze and air fresheners.

24. Which they use so liberally your place always smells like a lavender forest.

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25. They have boundless ingenuity if there are no clean dishes around.

26. Things you think are regular items around your place are actually ingenious drug hiding places.

27. When your parents come to visit you're always worried they're going to find something in one of the drawers.

28. They'll always keep the house stocked with snacks.

29. They have an ingenious way of giving you gifts.

30. They love to surprise you when you get home.

31. All in all, they're some of the most chill people you've ever lived with.


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