37 Reasons Why Thanksgiving Sucks
We all have something to be grateful for, but it's not gross food.
First of all, if turkey was actually good, we'd make it all year round
Seriously, the food is basically the same as from the 1800s, why would you think it would be good?
Pumpkin pie isn't even really a dessert, it's like a vegetable masquerading as a pie
Guess what? Stuffing is just gross meatbread.
There's no good Thanksgiving Day movies
THIS is what we have to work with for Thanksgiving songs:
Yeah, I know, but don't encourage him.
Candied yams? What the fuck even IS this?
Green bean casserole is a mushy green lie
French's monopolistic stranglehold on the fried onion market
Your fridge looks like this:
Oh yeah, it's not like that gross food isn't binding or anything either
Football. So. Much. Football.
Also, is this all about a sort of sad chapter in our nation's history?
No one gets laid on Thanksgiving.
Having to bring your suitcase on the subway so you can leave straight from work
You end up watching the WORST performers in the Macy's Day Parade
Seeing all your friends from high school awkwardly
Meeting your high school buddies at a bar and your mom has to drop you off:
Need to grab that thing you forgot grocery store? Have fun on Thursday morning.
Tossing the football with your little cousin who is suddenly really good and throws hard
When your family has to pass around the phone to talk to the relative who couldn't make it
Dad interrogating you on your "plans for the future"
Meeting your boyfriend or girlfriend's parents for the first time
Next year, when they ask you all about why you two kids broke up
Crowded train stations
Getting stuck at the kids table even though you graduated college
Your mom yelling at you for not using a coaster
Your aunt's cat giving you allergies
Everyone in your family needs tech support
Having to explain AGAIN to your family that you're a vegetarian
Discovering your parents have turned on you:
Having to blow your nose with the fancy cloth napkins
Having to do the dishes afterwards
Jello. Salad. What sick sick person invented this?
Well, at least there's plenty of this
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