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37 Reasons Why Thanksgiving Sucks

We all have something to be grateful for, but it's not gross food.

1. First of all, if turkey was actually good, we'd make it all year round

2. Seriously, the food is basically the same as from the 1800s, why would you think it would be good?

3. Pumpkin pie isn't even really a dessert, it's like a vegetable masquerading as a pie

4. Guess what? Stuffing is just gross meatbread.

5. There's no good Thanksgiving Day movies

6. THIS is what we have to work with for Thanksgiving songs:

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7. Yeah, I know, but don't encourage him.

8. Candied yams? What the fuck even IS this?

9. Green bean casserole is a mushy green lie

10. French's monopolistic stranglehold on the fried onion market

11. Your fridge looks like this:

12. Oh yeah, it's not like that gross food isn't binding or anything either

13. Football. So. Much. Football.

14. Also, is this all about a sort of sad chapter in our nation's history?

15. No one gets laid on Thanksgiving.

16. Having to bring your suitcase on the subway so you can leave straight from work

17. You end up watching the WORST performers in the Macy's Day Parade

18. Seeing all your friends from high school awkwardly

19. Meeting your high school buddies at a bar and your mom has to drop you off:

20. Need to grab that thing you forgot grocery store? Have fun on Thursday morning.

21. Tossing the football with your little cousin who is suddenly really good and throws hard

22. When your family has to pass around the phone to talk to the relative who couldn't make it

23. Dad interrogating you on your "plans for the future"

24. Meeting your boyfriend or girlfriend's parents for the first time

25. Next year, when they ask you all about why you two kids broke up

26. Crowded airports

27. Crowded train stations

28. Traffic

29. Getting stuck at the kids table even though you graduated college

30. Your mom yelling at you for not using a coaster

31. Your aunt's cat giving you allergies

32. Everyone in your family needs tech support

33. Having to explain AGAIN to your family that you're a vegetarian

34. Discovering your parents have turned on you:

35. Having to blow your nose with the fancy cloth napkins

36. Having to do the dishes afterwards

37. Jello. Salad. What sick sick person invented this?

Well, at least there's plenty of this