How Experienced In Pooping Are You?

How many of these deuces have you dropped?

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    Post-coffee poop
    Post-cigarette poop
    Post-coffee-and-cigarette poop
    Straight-up diarrhea
    Perfect emoji poop
    Confusing white poop
    Squid ink black poop
    Reddish poop after eating beets
    Flu poop
    Hangover shits
    Beer shits
    Red wine shits
    Burrito poop
    Flamin' Hot Cheetos red poop
    Period poop
    Ninja poop (when you wipe and there's nothing?!??!)
    Foot-long poop
    Poop that spells out a J in the toilet
    A bunch of tiny raisin-like turds
    Poop so big you can feel your organs resettle afterwards inside your body
    Ghost poop, which is all fart, no poop
    Shart (you think it'll be a fart, but then it's a poop)
    Adult poop that smells like baby poop
    Loud explosive bomb blast poop
    Corn poop
    Butt burning poop
    Awkward office bathroom poop
    Three flush poop
    Vom-poop where you're pooping and vomming simultaneously
    Stick poop, which comes out in skinny little sticks
    EMERGENCY poop when you have to abandon EVERYTHING you are doing to go EXPLODE
    Nervous poop
    Clingy poop that takes a thousand wipes
    Turd that flies out of your shorts while doing a backlfip and definitely wasn't how that turd got on the ceiling
    O.P.P. (other people's poop)
    Not sure if human or dog poop
    Disappointing poop
    Rock hard poop
    Chode poop (wider than it is long)
    The poop of life (the poop your mom made when she was giving birth to you)
    Gas station bathroom poop
    First poop at a new romantic partner's place
    Toilet smasher
    Poop that smashes your new romantic partner's toilet
    Drunk poop
    Poop so huge it makes your butt bleed
    Pre-shower naked poop
    Middle of the night poop
    Wilderness poop, out in the wild
    Hunger poop
    Day 3 of a juice cleanse poop
    Salad poop, after eating pizza the day before
    Simultaneously eating while you poop
    Bar poop
    Club poop
    The cruel irony of the post-shower poop
    Formal attire poop
    Spanx poop
    Post-Thanksgiving 20-pound poop
    First open and honest poop in a new relationship
    Post-sex poop
    Indian food poop
    Mexican food poop
    Pizza poop
    Unsatisfying sushi poop
    Grape nuts poop
    Ass destroying kale poop
    Hole wrecking poop
    Bloody poop
    Copaphilia sex poop
    Accidental sex poop
    Coworker-in-the-next-stall-trying-to-talk-to-you poop
    Mid-movie poop
    Flappy Bird high score poop
    Really long skinny poop
    Exam poop
    Fear poop
    Anxiety poop
    Diarrhea that you definitely didn't think was going to be diarrhea poop
    Spicy diarrhea
    Diaper poop
    Adult diaper poop
    Starbucks bathroom poop
    Mid-meal poop
    Emergency roadside poop
    Airplane poop
    Sunday morning leisurely poop
    Expired milk poop
    Sexting poop
    The poop you want to last longer because you're reading something on your phone
    The fake poop, when you just have a really big fart
    The poop that makes the toilet water backsplash you
    Very unpleasant messy poop that you don't even know how to clean up
    Wet Wipes poop
    Poop when you've run out of TP and want to die
    The hanging poop that won't fall into the toilet
    The little bit of round 2 poop that won't fall off after you have the main turd
    The fake-out poop when you think you're done and you wipe and THEN ROUND 2 IS ON
    The tiny bit of poop that keeps floating no matter how many times you flush
    The toilet clogger

How Experienced In Pooping Are You?

You're a poop novice. Your reign on the porcelain throne has been uneventful so far. This means you have a healthy diet and live responsibly, so congratulations! But it also means your bowels have a lot of life yet to experience. Maybe add some corn to your dinner plans?

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You're well on your way to being a poopstar. You've checked off all the basics, and you've even dipped your toes into the bizarre. Frankly, we're impressed by how seriously you take your excrement experiences. But there's work still left to do. Don't wait! Defecate!

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YOU ARE A POOPSTAR. We're BOWELED over by your dedication to defecation! You are excellent at excrement! You put the "hit" in shit! The world could learn a thing or two from you, especially when it comes to poo!

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