How Experienced In Pooping Are You?

How many of these deuces have you dropped?

1. 

   Adam Ellis/BuzzFeed
   1. 1 Post-coffee poop
   2. 2 Post-cigarette poop
   3. 3 Post-coffee-and-cigarette poop
   4. 4 Straight-up diarrhea
   5. 5 Perfect emoji poop
   6. 6 Confusing white poop
   7. 7 Squid ink black poop
   8. 8 Reddish poop after eating beets
   9. 9 Flu poop
   10. 10 Hangover shits
   11. 11 Beer shits
   12. 12 Red wine shits
   13. 13 Burrito poop
   14. 14 Flamin’ Hot Cheetos red poop
   15. 15 Period poop
   16. 16 Ninja poop (when you wipe and there’s nothing?!??!)
   17. 17 Foot-long poop
   18. 18 Poop that spells out a J in the toilet
   19. 19 A bunch of tiny raisin-like turds
   20. 20 Poop so big you can feel your organs resettle afterwards inside your body
   21. 21 Ghost poop, which is all fart, no poop
   22. 22 Shart (you think it’ll be a fart, but then it’s a poop)
   23. 23 Adult poop that smells like baby poop
   24. 24 Loud explosive bomb blast poop
   25. 25 Corn poop
   26. 26 Butt burning poop
   27. 27 Awkward office bathroom poop
   28. 28 Three flush poop
   29. 29 Vom-poop where you’re pooping and vomming simultaneously
   30. 30 Stick poop, which comes out in skinny little sticks
   31. 31 EMERGENCY poop when you have to abandon EVERYTHING you are doing to go EXPLODE
   32. 32 Nervous poop
   33. 33 Clingy poop that takes a thousand wipes
   34. 34 Turd that flies out of your shorts while doing a backlfip and definitely wasn’t how that turd got on the ceiling
   35. 35 O.P.P. (other people’s poop)
   36. 36 Not sure if human or dog poop
   37. 37 Disappointing poop
   38. 38 Rock hard poop
   39. 39 Chode poop (wider than it is long)
   40. 40 The poop of life (the poop your mom made when she was giving birth to you)
   41. 41 Gas station bathroom poop
   42. 42 First poop at a new romantic partner’s place
   43. 43 Toilet smasher
   44. 44 Poop that smashes your new romantic partner’s toilet
   45. 45 Drunk poop
   46. 46 Poop so huge it makes your butt bleed
   47. 47 Pre-shower naked poop
   48. 48 Middle of the night poop
   49. 49 Wilderness poop, out in the wild
   50. 50 Hunger poop
   51. 51 Day 3 of a juice cleanse poop
   52. 52 Salad poop, after eating pizza the day before
   53. 53 Simultaneously eating while you poop
   54. 54 Bar poop
   55. 55 Club poop
   56. 56 The cruel irony of the post-shower poop
   57. 57 Formal attire poop
   58. 58 Spanx poop
   59. 59 Post-Thanksgiving 20-pound poop
   60. 60 First open and honest poop in a new relationship
   61. 61 Post-sex poop
   62. 62 Indian food poop
   63. 63 Mexican food poop
   64. 64 Pizza poop
   65. 65 Unsatisfying sushi poop
   66. 66 Grape nuts poop
   67. 67 Ass destroying kale poop
   68. 68 Hole wrecking poop
   69. 69 Bloody poop
   70. 70 Copaphilia sex poop
   71. 71 Accidental sex poop
   72. 72 Coworker-in-the-next-stall-trying-to-talk-to-you poop
   73. 73 Mid-movie poop
   74. 74 Flappy Bird high score poop
   75. 75 Really long skinny poop
   76. 76 Exam poop
   77. 77 Fear poop
   78. 78 Anxiety poop
   79. 79 Diarrhea that you definitely didn’t think was going to be diarrhea poop
   80. 80 Spicy diarrhea
   81. 81 Diaper poop
   82. 82 Adult diaper poop
   83. 83 Starbucks bathroom poop
   84. 84 Mid-meal poop
   85. 85 Emergency roadside poop
   86. 86 Airplane poop
   87. 87 Sunday morning leisurely poop
   88. 88 Expired milk poop
   89. 89 Sexting poop
   90. 90 The poop you want to last longer because you’re reading something on your phone
   91. 91 The fake poop, when you just have a really big fart
   92. 92 The poop that makes the toilet water backsplash you
   93. 93 Very unpleasant messy poop that you don’t even know how to clean up
   94. 94 Wet Wipes poop
   95. 95 Poop when you’ve run out of TP and want to die
   96. 96 The hanging poop that won’t fall into the toilet
   97. 97 The little bit of round 2 poop that won’t fall off after you have the main turd
   98. 98 The fake-out poop when you think you’re done and you wipe and THEN ROUND 2 IS ON
   99. 99 The tiny bit of poop that keeps floating no matter how many times you flush
   100. 100 The toilet clogger

Show me my results!

How Experienced In Pooping Are You?

1. You’re a poop novice. Your reign on the porcelain throne has been uneventful so far. This means you have a healthy diet and live responsibly, so congratulations! But it also means your bowels have a lot of life yet to experience. Maybe add some corn to your dinner plans?

   

2. You’re well on your way to being a poopstar. You’ve checked off all the basics, and you’ve even dipped your toes into the bizarre. Frankly, we’re impressed by how seriously you take your excrement experiences. But there’s work still left to do. Don’t wait! Defecate!

   

3. YOU ARE A POOPSTAR. We’re BOWELED over by your dedication to defecation! You are excellent at excrement! You put the “hit” in shit! The world could learn a thing or two from you, especially when it comes to poo!

   

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