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Adam Ellis/BuzzFeed
Post-coffee poopPost-cigarette poopPost-coffee-and-cigarette poopStraight-up diarrheaPerfect emoji poopConfusing white poopSquid ink black poopReddish poop after eating beetsFlu poopHangover shitsBeer shitsRed wine shitsBurrito poopFlamin' Hot Cheetos red poopPeriod poopNinja poop (when you wipe and there's nothing?!??!)Foot-long poopPoop that spells out a J in the toiletA bunch of tiny raisin-like turdsPoop so big you can feel your organs resettle afterwards inside your bodyGhost poop, which is all fart, no poopShart (you think it'll be a fart, but then it's a poop)Adult poop that smells like baby poopLoud explosive bomb blast poopCorn poopButt burning poopAwkward office bathroom poopThree flush poopVom-poop where you're pooping and vomming simultaneouslyStick poop, which comes out in skinny little sticksEMERGENCY poop when you have to abandon EVERYTHING you are doing to go EXPLODENervous poopClingy poop that takes a thousand wipesTurd that flies out of your shorts while doing a backlfip and definitely wasn't how that turd got on the ceilingO.P.P. (other people's poop)Not sure if human or dog poopDisappointing poopRock hard poopChode poop (wider than it is long)The poop of life (the poop your mom made when she was giving birth to you)Gas station bathroom poopFirst poop at a new romantic partner's placeToilet smasherPoop that smashes your new romantic partner's toiletDrunk poopPoop so huge it makes your butt bleedPre-shower naked poopMiddle of the night poopWilderness poop, out in the wildHunger poopDay 3 of a juice cleanse poopSalad poop, after eating pizza the day beforeSimultaneously eating while you poopBar poopClub poopThe cruel irony of the post-shower poopFormal attire poopSpanx poopPost-Thanksgiving 20-pound poopFirst open and honest poop in a new relationshipPost-sex poopIndian food poopMexican food poopPizza poopUnsatisfying sushi poopGrape nuts poopAss destroying kale poopHole wrecking poopBloody poopCopaphilia sex poopAccidental sex poopCoworker-in-the-next-stall-trying-to-talk-to-you poopMid-movie poopFlappy Bird high score poopReally long skinny poopExam poopFear poopAnxiety poopDiarrhea that you definitely didn't think was going to be diarrhea poopSpicy diarrheaDiaper poopAdult diaper poopStarbucks bathroom poopMid-meal poopEmergency roadside poopAirplane poopSunday morning leisurely poopExpired milk poopSexting poopThe poop you want to last longer because you're reading something on your phoneThe fake poop, when you just have a really big fartThe poop that makes the toilet water backsplash youVery unpleasant messy poop that you don't even know how to clean upWet Wipes poopPoop when you've run out of TP and want to dieThe hanging poop that won't fall into the toiletThe little bit of round 2 poop that won't fall off after you have the main turdThe fake-out poop when you think you're done and you wipe and THEN ROUND 2 IS ONThe tiny bit of poop that keeps floating no matter how many times you flushThe toilet clogger
How Experienced In Pooping Are You?
You're a poop novice. Your reign on the porcelain throne has been uneventful so far. This means you have a healthy diet and live responsibly, so congratulations! But it also means your bowels have a lot of life yet to experience. Maybe add some corn to your dinner plans?
You're well on your way to being a poopstar. You've checked off all the basics, and you've even dipped your toes into the bizarre. Frankly, we're impressed by how seriously you take your excrement experiences. But there's work still left to do. Don't wait! Defecate!
YOU ARE A POOPSTAR. We're BOWELED over by your dedication to defecation! You are excellent at excrement! You put the "hit" in shit! The world could learn a thing or two from you, especially when it comes to poo!
