This Is For Everyone Suffering From Freezing Office Syndrome

If you have a blanket under your desk and it's 70 degrees outside, we are here for you.

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Winter, summer, fall. Whatever. It doesn't matter. Your office's A.C. is set to approximately 3 kelvin year round.

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Office temperatures do not conform to any other laws of science or physics. They are their own atmosphere, like Mars or the Biodome from Biodome with Pauly Shore.

Frostbite and even death by exposure can set in rapidly to anyone who wears a sleeveless top and forgets a cardigan.

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Do NOT bring your desk cardigan or hoodie home to wash it and forget to bring it back. You WILL die immediately.

Though some offices have warm rooms, some Frozen Offices have no relief in sight, just endless corridors and cubicles of bleak tundra.

In the summertime, when sufferers get outside to go to lunch, they may find even unbearable summer heats welcome and tolerable.

After months or even years of Frozen Office Syndrome, sufferers may become almost immune to the cold.

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Like indigenous peoples of the north, office workers may develop over 20 words for "cold."

The most common and pernicious symptom of F.O.S. is Cold Mouse Hand. It's when the hand you use for your mouse gets super cold because it's just sticking out there, exposed all day.

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The solution to Cold Mouse Hand includes wearing a glove, or frequently taking breaks to sit on your hand.

Do not fall prey to snake oil "miracle cures" for Frozen Office Syndrome. These will not help you.

Do not attempt to contact your office manager. Resistance is futile. It is a building-wide issue, not just your office.

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The only thing colder than your office will be the chilly reply of someone who has been fielding this complaint for years.