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Posted on Nov 19, 2014

Some Important Questions About Douches

(Not ARE you a douche.)

Google image search results for the word "douche":

Google

When I was maybe 8 years old, my older brother called me into his room and told me he had a cool new nickname for me. Like any younger sibling, starved for approval and inclusion, I was elated.

My dreams were crushed when my mother informed me that I had been tricked, that that "Douchebag McKenzie" was actually not a good name (Spuds McKenzie was a popular mascot at the time).

Today, the word is used more to describe a very specific sort of unsavory man than it is to actually describe a hygiene product.

Massengill and Summer's Eve ads were on TV all the time when I was growing up in the '80s. A common theme is the wisdom passed between mother and daughter. In one cringe-inducing ad, two women are walking on the beach. "Mom, I gotta ask you something real personal... do you douche?"

It just so happened that my first and only mother-daughter talk about douche was centered around my brother trolling me with an unfortunate nickname. By the time I was a teen in the late '90s, douches were out of style.

A Massengill from the '90s features a variety of women speaking to the camera answering the question "why douche?" Answers range from "my best friend told me it's a real fresh feeling!" to "it's natural to want to feel fresh." Any suggestion that a doctor recommended it is absent (doctors now say it's not healthy for you). Douching is now just a whimsical personal choice that women make and have to justify. This is the douche's last stand.

The year is 2014. Does anyone actually still douche? Let's find out the highly scientific way*: a BuzzFeed poll!

*Actually totally not scientific.

  1. Have you ever used a douche at all?

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Have you ever used a douche at all?
  1.  
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    Yes
  2.  
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    No
  1. Do you douche regularly?

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Do you douche regularly?
  1.  
    vote votes
    Yes
  2.  
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    No
  1. Do you know of any friends or family who douche?

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Do you know of any friends or family who douche?
  1.  
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    Yes, I have a friend who douches.
  2.  
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    Yes, my mother used to douche.
  3.  
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    No, I've never heard of anyone I know douching.
  1. Do you even have any idea what a douche actually does?

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Do you even have any idea what a douche actually does?
  1.  
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    Yes, I know
  2.  
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    I basically have no idea, to be honest
  1. Have you ever used a douche as a birth control method?

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Have you ever used a douche as a birth control method?
  1.  
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    Yes
  2.  
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    No

A touch mother-daughter talk about douches:

View this video on YouTube

youtube.com

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