1. "Are you having fun, April?" "Yes, Tim, I love my Bloomberg Terminal."
2. "Wow, I can't believe all these cool stocks. I wish girls were as easy to understand as this Bloomberg Terminal."
3. "This is where I look at graphs."
4. "My walls are decorated to blend in with my Bloomberg Terminal so I have nothing more interesting to look at when my migraines start."
5. "The old man has injected me with a neurotoxin in my leg so I can't move away from these terminals."
6. "I love my Bloomberg Terminal and I don't understand why the crooked U.S. government won't let me marry it."
7. "It is day 527. I still have not found porn on this cursed machine."
8. "I have no idea what any of these buttons do."
9. "I am exploiting the stupidity of some idiot who doesn't know how to work the buttons on this thing to manipulate world markets."
Katie Notopoulos is a senior editor for BuzzFeed News and is based in New York. Notopoulos writes about tech and internet culture is cohost of the Internet Explorer podcast.
Contact Katie Notopoulos at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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