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    Posted on Jul 18, 2012

    84 Things That Aren’t On An Everything Bagel

    Yes, it's called "everything," but that's not really true. These are what's not included.

    1. Raisins

    2. Sunflower seeds

    3. Chocolate chips

    4. Cinnamon

    5. Black pepper

    6. Frosting

    7. Roasted red pepper

    8. Sun-dried tomatoes

    9. Blueberries

    10. Cat in a blanket

    11. Crushed Oreos

    12. M & M's

    13. Bacon bits

    14. Red bull

    15. Werther's Originals

    16. Hard-boiled eggs

    17. Dry cat food

    18. Ernest Borgnine

    19. Naked juice

    20. Grace Jones or Lady Keir

    21. Pink Hummerzine

    22. Used maxi pad

    23. Jorts

    24. Chanel basketball

    25. A goth beagle

    26. A turd with rainbow sprinkles

    27. Alligators

    28. Teens with abs

    29. Cat Dylan

    30. Les Claypool's bass

    31. Angry cat

    32. Sprinkles

    33. Burned box of semen that has grown mold

    34. Two bottles of gin

    35. A plastic bat

    36. Fake penis nails

    37. Emo teen taking selfpic

    38. A kid on a scooter

    39. A pair of inspirational underwear

    40. A horse-duck

    41. A dog sitting like a dude

    42. Tila Tequila

    43. A seal kissing a man

    44. Richey Manic

    45. Shake weights

    46. An adult baby/diaper lover

    47. A girl barfing off a boat

    48. A pile of hair

    49. A goth on OKCupid

    50. Gangster Bugs Bunny

    51. A taser gun

    52. Potato chips

    53. Fred Rogers flipping you the bird

    54. A black crowned night-heron

    55. A tap dancing cat

    56. A shaved pussy

    57. A pink PT Cruiser limo

    58. PT Cruiser with suicide doors

    59. Ginuwine

    60. Rascal Flatts

    61. Rascal scooters

    62. Andy Bell of Ride

    63. Andy Bell of Erasure

    64. Little Guy Fieri

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    65. Jose Canseco

    66. Croc Uggs

    67. My Little Pony erotica

    68. A Renn Faire wedding

    69. Four Loko

    70. A guy doing bong hits

    71. A Nuvaring

    72. A cat in a diaper

    73. Bear babies

    74. Bear grown-ups

    75. Stone Cold Steve Austin

    76. Bad Ass Billy Gunn

    77. X-Pac

    78. Hooters servers horsing around

    79. Fart machine

    80. Batman surfing

    81. Mariah Carey

    82. A pig pooping on its own balls

    83. Sesame seeds

    84. Poppy seeds