1. Here we are. The final episode. The last hurrah. The end of Bake Off. I feel like I'm going into battle.
2. Once more unto the bread dear friends. Once more.
3. I mean when I say I'M going into battle I really mean the hard-working bakers are. I'm not gonna pretend to be doing anything more than sitting in front of the TV with a cat the size and weight of a toddler on my lap.
4. Fit and toned? I would balloon like the contents of a proving drawer if I was on this programme.
5. The royal treatment? Imagine if they subbed in the Queen in Paul's place and she and Mezza got drunk and did the judging. That'd be a right royal hoot.
6. Paul and Prince Phillip would just chill at the judges' table being racist.
7. Just some flowers some fruit some curd some sponge some meringue some sunshine some angels' tears and the Crown Jewels in there Candice nothing fancy.
8. Having already panic dropped a bowl, I can't help but feel that Andrew's gonna be a hot mess throughout this episode.
9. I wonder if Kate struck a deal with the bakers when she left the competition promising to provide all further fresh fruit and veg from her farm.
10. The stuff her kids manage not to scoff that is.
11. That shot of Andrew balancing his meringue was so precarious I've broken out in a sweat.
12. Oh my god no one's had a Paul Hollywood handshake since the Bread Lion of 2015. Candice is my winner.
13. Oh my god no one's had a Paul Hollywood handshake since Candice's meringue crown of 2016. Jane's my winner, I always said it.
14. Andrew going without a handshake is heartbreaking.
15. Oh come on anyone can bosh together a quick Victoria sandwich.
16. Except maybe Selasi.
17. Every time Andrew laughs I think he's about to burst into tears
18. So when I said anyone could bosh together one of these I forgot you had to make your own jam.
19. This is where Ian of 2015 and Kate of this year would thrive.
20. Overdone it there with the raspberries Candice, there's always one that has to show off isn't there.
21. Mary taking on those big pieces with no hesitation.
22. Oh they put numbers next to the bakes! I've always wondered how they remember how they've ranked the technicals. Every day's a school day, eh.
23. Well done Andrew. You're my winner. Have been since the beginning.
24. An entire picnic?!
25. Oh bloody hell.
26. I'm half expecting the Queen to actually be there at this rate.
27. Right at this point I'd be straight down Sainsburys for those platters you can get for funeral after-parties.
28. After-party/wake/depends how much you liked them.
29. Andrew's always so nice when he's like "ooh I'm already five minutes behind *kind laugh*" when inside you know he's going "LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE MAUL"
30. Jane's son! Could this be the same son that boasted his reckless ability to eat an entire pavlova at once in episode 1? The prodigy himself?!
31. I like getting to know their fams, it makes me like them even more.
32. Andrew didn't attend his graduation? But he went to Cambridge! Don't they throw you in the dungeons for that sort of lack of commitment?
33. Your puff might be looking okay Jane but you're not. Might you be having a heart attack?
34. A medical emergency is really gonna hamper with things.
35. You can have that one ;)
36. BREATHE JANE BREATHE
37. Ah here's the old gang back.
38. Oh god half an hour left and Jane's quiches aren't done. That fine sheen of sweat I had earlier is back.
39. Seriously I think Jane might need an ambulance soon
40. Mel just stealing my earlier joke there. Clearly we're on the same page in terms of our natural affinity for top quality puns and banter.
41. It's over. This is it.
42. This is neck and neck.
43. Or it was until Andrew's tart fell apart.
44. Didn't even know he had a girlfriend did you, let alone one so emotionally unstable.
45. Oh go on then, have that one too.
46. Back in the game with the chocolate cake.
47. Okay so now it might be neck and neck and Candice.
48. THE SUSPENSE.
50. Blimey Candice's pals are a wild lot aren't they?
51. This is getting more emosh than last year's!
52. If Mezza cries again I'll be finished.
53. The thought of Val with the girls in Aiya Napa chanting shots shots shots is just too much.
54. Yay for a potential Jane and Candice collab!!! Perhaps they could film it for broadcast on the BBC conveniently on the same day and at the same time as the new Bake Off on 4.
55. To be honest, I would've been happy with any of these three winning, but Candice just had the edge didn't she. Well done Candice.
56. And that concludes the last ever series of the Great British Bake Off on the BBC. For the past hour I've felt a bittersweet mixture of sorrow, joy and hunger, particularly since Mary brought out her example sponge. But now, the Bake Off itself would like to share a few words of comfort.
57. "Do not stand at my tent and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand breads that rise,
I am the glint in Mary Berry's eyes.
Do not stand at my tent and cry.
I am not there. I did not die.
58. Now everyone to the pub for a big old Sainsbury's platter!