The Definitive Ranking Of Santas By Hotness

Ho ho HOOOOOO, baby.

25. Hulk Hogan, Santa With Muscles

Legacy Releasing Corporation / Via

Hogan’s dopey, hammy Santa lacks commitment to both Christmas spirit and hair color continuity. Zero stars.

24. Fat Santa

Fat Santa (frequently described as Santa meets Jabba the Hutt) has terrible teeth and a worse complexion, but his rich velour coat-and-pants set is sound.

23. Richard Riehle, A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas

Warner Bros. / Via

The bowler hat is no substitute for the stocking cap, even given this particular Santa’s lustrous curls.

22. Bill Goldberg, Santa’s Slay

Media 8 Entertainment / Via

This Santa Claus is murdering entire families right out of the gate. Wikipedia describes it thusly: “Santa arrives at Hell Township and proceeds to kill the locals in various holiday-themed ways.” Rude/not hot. Good muscles though.

21. Jeff Gillen, A Christmas Story

Not only is he the meanest of all Santas, the red nose here surpasses charm and slips into scalded-looking.

20. Al ‘Red Dog’ Weber, Scrooged

Paramount Pictures / Via

Well-costumed and well-equipped. Pretty old though, even for Santas.

19. Ed Asner, Elf

New Line Cinema / Via

Pleasingly cranky and bushy of eyebrow.

18. Donald Duck, Toy Tinkers

Walt Disney Productions / Via

Pros: Donald brings a certain rare joyful mischievousness to his Claus. Cons: webbed feet.

17. Edmund Gwenn, Miracle on 34th Street

20th Century Fox / Via

Possibly the Santa most dedicated to being Santa there ever was. Why? What moves him to be Santa? It’s a mystery, which is appealing.

16. Stan Francis, Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer

Rankin/Bass Productions / Via

Cute PJs and remarkably shiny hair. Weird proportions.

15. Robert Brian Wilson, Silent Night, Deadly Night

What Wilson’s Evil Santa has that Goldberg’s lack is a great catchphrase: yelling “NAUGHTY” at people before killing them with an axe. Looks like if your 1980s football captain became a serial killer Santa.

14. Dan Aykroyd, Trading Places

Paramount Pictures / Via

Doesn’t take care of his clothes, doesn’t take care of himself. You think you can fix him, but you can’t.

13. Rickey Smiley, Friday After Next

Cube Vision / Via

Commits a robbery *while* dressed as Santa Claus. A serious NOT as far as Santa Claus Hot-or-Nots go.

12. Ben Affleck, Reindeer Games

Dimension Films / Via

Again, crimes committed while Santa are NOT COOL. Put down the gun and pick up the bag of toys for all the good girls and boys.

11. The Grinch as Santa Claus, How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

The Cat in the Hat Productions / Via

Crafty and grumpy, but moved by caroling and gestures of kindness. Willing to grow. Great dog.

10. Jim Carrey as the Grinch as Santa Claus, How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Getty Images / Via Universal Pictures

Some trade-offs vs. other Grinch Santas here: a more pallid shade of green in skin, but three-dimensional.

9. Tony Danza, Stealing Christmas

USA Cable Entertainment / Via

Bank robber in the past, desperate need of a haircut in the future.

8. Douglas Seale, Ernest Saves Christmas

Touchstone Pictures / Via

Great old-timey British accent. Sincere. Sharp suit.

7. Santa Claus, The Nightmare Before Christmas

Touchstone Pictures / Via

Able to withstand prolonged kidnappings and come out forgiving on the other side. Incredibly thick beard.

6. Jack Skellington as Santa Claus, The Nightmare Before Christmas

Touchstone Pictures / Via

Almost *too* into Christmas, if such a thing were possible. Good at sewing. In great shape.

5. Billy Bob Thornton, Bad Santa

Columbia Pictures / Via

Christmas-wise: despicable. Truly the worst. Sex appeal-wise? Ugh, more than you’d like.

4. Mickey Rooney, The Year Without A Santa Claus

Rankin/Bass Productions / Via

Delightful voice, delightful shades of pink and purple, the only thing remiss with this Santa is his (temporary) shaken commitment to Being Santa. But even the good ones get tired.

3. Mickey Rooney, Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

Rankin/Bass Productions / Via

Ginger Santa? Nice.

2. Tim Allen, The Santa Clause

Walt Disney Pictures / Via

Sparkly-eyed. Surprisingly diverse wardrobe of Santa-like apparel. Great dad.

1. Jonathan Taylor Thomas, I’ll Be Home For Christmas

Walt Disney Pictures / Via

Noble. Humble. Age-appropriate. <3 <3 <3 JTT <3 <3 <3

Check out more articles on!

  Your Reaction?

    Starting soon, you'll only be able to post a comment on BuzzFeed using a Facebook account or via our app. If you have questions or thoughts, email us here.


    Hot Buzz

    21 Surprising Facts About Your Favorite HGTV Stars

    This Is How People Say They’re Celebrating Article 50 Being Triggered

    Now Buzzing