The 45 Social Media Burns, Ranked

How to dis your frenemy on the web, from most passive/least aggressive —> least passive/most aggressive.

Fameflynet Pictures

45. Hate-follow them on Twitter.
44. Hate-read their tweets in your bed every morning while being like, “Ugh.”
43. Subscreenshot their selfie, for the record, and later delete it while scrolling through your photos.
42. Subscreenshot their tweet and email it to someone.
41. Subforward an email they sent, without comment.
40. Hate-friend them on Facebook.
39. Send them a pointless Facebook message knowing they’ll have to read it and you get to know EXACTLY WHEN.
38. Unfollow them on Facebook (but stay friends).
37. Mute them on Tweetdeck.
36. Add them on Google+.
35. Instagram a motivational quote about forgetting your haters.
34. Post a Secret about them.
33. Post a Secret about them and tweet at them to let them know.
32. Buy them 10,000 Twitter bot followers.
31. Anonymously review them on Lulu with the hashtag “#WearsEdHardy.”
30. Unfollow them on Instagram (normal people).
29. Unfollow them on Instagram (celebrities).
28. Hate-favorite their tweet.
27. Subtweet them.
26. Subfacebook status them.
25. Send them a LinkedIn invite.
24. Endorse them for “networking” on LinkedIn.
23. Reply to their tweet with just their first name.
22. Favorite a tweet and then unfavorite it.
21. Hate-link to their tweet.
20. Hate-RT their tweet.
19. Hate-RT their tweet, followed by a tweet to the effect of “that last RT o_o.”
18. Hate-manual RT their tweet.
17. Remove someone’s handle from a Twitter conversation/tip someone out of a Twitter canoe.
16. Comment “looks fun” on their picture of something you weren’t invited to.
15. Comment “Congratulations. How wonderful.” on their engagement/pregnancy announcement.
14. Include them on a mutual friend Gmail thread in which everyone else is in the “to:” line and they are BCC’d.
13. Post an Instagram photo of an outing with mutual friends, from which they are conspicuously absent.
14. Snapchat them a photo (time limit: 10 seconds) of an outing with mutual friends that they weren’t invited to.
12. Untag yourself from their Facebook pictures.
11. Tag them in a Facebook picture they look terrible in.
10. Ignore their Gchats while remaining active/on a green circle.
9. Block them on Gchat.
8. Unfriend them on Facebook.
7. Unfriend them on Facebook, and comment on a mutual friend’s status update in hopes they’ll click on your name and see that they have been unfriended.
6. Add “[Their Name]’s Mom” as a Foursquare location.
7. Twitter @reply them “We are not friends.” (between two celebrities).
6. Twitter @reply them “lol ok” (between normal people).
5. Report them as spam on Twitter.
4. Tag them in a Facebook picture of a Microsoft Paint .jpg that reads “Things I Hate.”
3. Give them +1 Klout points in “sucking.”
2. Charge them $5 on Venmo and write “wasting my time” in the “What’s it for?” box.
1. Unfollow them on Twitter.

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