1. Holding hands is basically like putting your hands in the garbage.
3. Kissing transfers about 250 colonies of bacteria mouth-to-mouth.
Pictures of your coupled friends might LOOK very adorable and sweet, but think about it like this: All that’s really happening here is some mouth-to-mouth pushing around of germs. I mean, mono is CALLED “the kissing disease.” Can we get a health insurance discount for lack of makeouts?
5. Sharing food, or sharing A DEATH WISH?
Sharing food just because you “love someone” is no excuse — just ask Dr. Robert Lahita: “Me personally, with a Ph.D. in microbiology — I don’t share much food with anybody.” Lahita went on to say that “virally-infected saliva on forks and knives is very disconcerting.”
6. All coupled people do is stay at home and love each other.
According to this New York Times study, living alone seems to encourage people to get out and socialize: “Compared with their married counterparts, single people are more likely to spend time with friends and neighbors, go to restaurants and attend art classes and lectures.”
8. Using another person’s toothbrush: what new horrors await you?
Studies show that uncovered toothbrushes can carry over 100 MILLION bacteria. It’s sort of fine when they’re your own, but if you forgot your toothbrush and have to accept someone ELSE’S?? *screams*